


Dependents

by FixOrRideDaily



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Disabled Character, Dubious Consent, Gen, Hospitals, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Marriage Proposal, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Survivor Guilt, They don't all live, Trauma, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-08-15 05:05:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8043637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FixOrRideDaily/pseuds/FixOrRideDaily
Summary: They were the only two that survived...Except that they weren't.~ABANDONED~





	1. Knights

**Author's Note:**

> I see A LOT of stories where Mike and Sam are the only two to survive. I see stories where everybody lives or a number of them live but never this combination which I thought might a fascinating one. Jess and Matt are the most likely to be left dead and if they are kept alive Chris and Ashley are never focused on. 
> 
> So I wanted to do this.
> 
> Enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He saved my life...

Chris went out first and she moved to follow him. She had followed after him all night long and it had kept her alive thus far so why would she distrust that instinct? That monster was mere feet from her as she stepped back. She was sure in that moment that she was going to die. She knew she should stop. Yet she kept moving. She couldn't stop stepping back because she needed to get to Chris. She knew that would keep her safe. She had only ever felt safe whenever she was with him that night. So as that thing, that monster stalked closer she continued to move back.

“Hey,” Sam shouted. The monster's gaze shifted from Ashley to the other girl in the room. It stepped on its long gangly legs away from her. She continued to back away slowly, slowly and then at the very last second Ashley ran.

She was out the door.

\---

The last thing she saw was Mike. Mike reaching for her, trying to help. He called her name. His hand was inches from her face. Then Jess was floating, she was weightless, she was like air. No, she wasn't. She fell. She fell fast and she fell hard and she fell unconscious. When she woke up there was no Mike. But she found Matt instead. He led her limp and weak through the tunnels walking slow so she could keep up with him. He guided her right up until they heard the screech of the monster they had already both faced once before.

“Here,” Matt said as he took her into a crevice to hide. Moving was hard for her. She almost passed out. It was Matt who caught her. He took her down the tunnel. He rammed his body against the blockage. She trusted him. She had no other choice. They pressed their bodies to the mountain edge.

And they prayed.

\---

Ashley waited. She sat in a ball on the ground thinking maybe she and Chris should keep running but instead they waited. They watched the lodge and waited for their friends to come running out. Soon the whole thing went up in smoke and ash and fire and dust. No one else ever came out.

Mike never came out.

Sam never came out.

And thankfully the monster also never came out.

Chris and Ashley were the only ones left.

\---

Who knows how long they stood on that ledge?

Might have been just some seconds...

Might have been a few minutes...

Might have been an entire hour...

They couldn't climb down. They couldn't risk going back into the mines. They didn't feel safe moving until after they knew the monster was long gone. They stared at the lodge in the distance wondering what happened to their other friends. Matt and Jess saw it disappear in an explosion of fire and light. Somehow Jess just knew that their friends had been inside when it did.

Matt and Jessica were the only ones left.

\---

He stood there in awe of the flames limping to one side because of his leg, his eyes wide in fascination and fear and a whole host of other emotions she didn't understand at the moment. She stayed where she was rocking back and forth in the snow. She wrapped her arms around her knees and bowed her head. She started to cry. It wasn't what she wanted. It was the opposite of what she wanted. She screamed in sadness because she needed to let out her pain. She needed to feel it. She needed to.

That's when she felt him behind her. He had knelt down in the snow in back of her. In her movement she had pressed the back of her body right up against the front his body as if trying to comfort herself. He didn't cry. He didn't scream. He didn't do anything.

Chris.

She wasn't alone. Because Chris had survived too. Chris had lived too. Chris, her best friend. Chris, her protector. Chris who loves her.

He wasn't looking down at her, but at the burning lodge. She wondered if he expected Mike and Sam to come out still. She wondered if he was waiting for them still. She wondered of he was hoping still that they were alive. She saw his mouth was moving. What was he saying to her? She couldn't hear him. Everything around them was too loud. The crackling flames, the snow underneath them, the wilderness and animals, the helicopters.

Wait the helicopters?

This was when she realized Chris was looking at rescue helicopters just passed the Washington's ruined ski lodge and not the lodge itself. He was trying to tell her help had come for them. People in uniforms were coming towards them. They were shouting to each other and they were shouting towards the two of them. Some of them looked like they were trying to figure out what to do about the fire. Some even looked like they were gathering gear to actually go into the building. She heard calls for back-up being radioed in. The place that was desolate minutes ago was swarming with people all of a sudden.

Chris tried to get her to stand up because these strange people that were almost to them had blankets and medical kits. He stayed standing very close to her. She got a strong feeling that he was afraid they were about to be separated and he didn't want that.

Ashley wasn't sure these people were going to give them a choice though.

\---

The explosion was what finally shocked them into movement. Movement was still so difficult for Jess. Matt had to do the majority of the work. They focused on shimmying their way along the cliff's narrow edge Matt supporting both their weight. Jess tried not to think about lodge burning. She tried not to think about her friends dying. She tried not to think about the monster in the mines. Most of all though she tried not to think about Mike.

Matt is the strongest boy she knows and the sweetest and she knows he can keep them safe. Her legs hurt already though and the amount of added pressure was not good. Standing was too much on her weak body. He tried to encourage her. 'It's okay, Jess.' 'We just need to get to an open area' 'A place that the search party will find us.' 'That's on solid ground.' 'Then we can rest, I promise.'

He promised to carry her if and when they get to a spot that isn't as narrow. Then finally like breaking through the surface of pool water after holding your breath for a long time they found a ledge sticking out from the cliff. It was a little ways down from where they were. Matt had to climb down before he could help her. He helped Jess sit down on the very edge first because otherwise she would have fallen. Then he made his way onto it. Jess wobbled. Her head felt light, airy. She'd lost a lot of blood already. She was cold. She was only in her bra, Matt's sweatpants (he had on a pair of basketball shorts as well) and a jacket she found when she first woke up. Matt tried to stay close to her, share his body heat and keep her warm. She wouldn't take his jacket from him  no matter how many times he offered it to her. She wouldn't be the reason he died from the cold.

Matt was reaching up to her and she wasn't sure how he was going to manage to get her onto the ledge when she was blinded by a bright light in the sky. She covered her eyes. It was daytime, but the sun should not have been this bright that early in the morning. Matt turned that way as well also covering his eyes. His hand that was on her knee stayed there to steady her.

“We have confirmation on two more survivors,” they heard announced loudly from the air above them, “Repeat, we have confirmation on two more survivors.”

Two MORE survivors? Jessica foolishly dared to hope that Micheal survived.

\---

No one could get them to separate. No one could get either of them to leave the other for anything. Even to check their health. They openly refused it if anyone brought the idea up. Finally a young female sheriff told Ashley that 'I'm sorry but you can't spend the entire day with your boyfriend.'

She didn't bother to correct the lady that Chris wasn't her boyfriend. He had never been her boyfriend. Calling him her boyfriend was devaluing him. Chris was more to Ashley than that. They said nothing. They only spoke when they had to.

“You can't bring him into the interview room with you,” she said simply, leaning down to try and look Ashley in the eyes, Ashley didn't meet her eye line back, “It would compromise your testimony. And he needs to get his leg looked at soon before it gets any worse. Don't you want him to be okay?”

She was more than a little pissed that this woman used Chris' injury against her like that. He had been limping for awhile at that point. Ashley wanted him to get his leg checked out. She wanted him to get the help he needed. But she was selfish. She didn't want him to leave her. He was all she had left.

“I'll be here when you're done,” Chris told her, “Let's just do what they say so we can leave sooner.”

She nodded at him and stood up to follow the woman who from the look on her face thought she had something to do with this. She didn't. Had Chris not said anything, Ashley would still have been sitting next to him in the lobby, not following her. The woman had someone else to go get Chris. It was a man. He didn't look like a doctor and Ashley was pretty sure that they were going to grill him awhile before they bothered looking at his ankle.

The woman opened the door and motioned for her to go in. That's when she heard it over the station's lone radio. One of the teams still out searching was calling something in. Chris was not far so he must have heard it too. The whole place could hear it.

“We have confirmation on two more survivors,” the voice cracked through the speakers on the desk, “Repeat, we have confirmation on two more survivors.”

It was stupid to think that it was Mike and Sam, they both saw them die not two hours ago, but from the look Ashley shared with Chris down the hall she knows that's exactly what they both hoped.

\---

“Did he make it..?”

She had to ask them. She saw no one else when she and Matt were brought in there. They were taken to different places right away. She was dressed in whatever they could find for her and then had been put under a heated blanket. She was forced to drink hot tea every few minutes. They didn't think that she had hypothermia yet, but they weren't risking it. They said that was a miracle in itself. They said they that couldn't bring any of the kids to the hospital yet either. The roads were still a mess from the snow and the storm winds had picked up again so the helicopters were out.

She knows that there are others who made it out. They said there were others that made it out. She and Matt weren't the only one who made it through the night. She had to know. Mike had to be one of them. Mike was so strong. Mike was so brave. Mike was so full of life. He had to have made it. He had to.

But the man looked at her so sadly. He took a deep breath. He didn't need to say anything. It wasn't the face of a man who was about to tell her that her boyfriend was alive and resting. It wasn't the face of a man who was about to tell her that her boyfriend was hurt, but safe and would recover and she could go see him once this process was over and she had been been properly looked at herself. It wasn't the face of a man who was about to say, 'Yes, he made it. You can put your fears to rest because he made it.'

Jess said nothing. The image of the policeman blurred as tears filled her eyes. She thought of Mike's face drifting away and getting smaller. He called her name. She wondered if he thought she was dead  up until the very end. She wondered if that's why she never saw him again that night. Did he spend the whole night thinking that when she fell down that mine shaft that she had died? She wondered how he felt about that. Was he sad? Was he angry? Did he grieve her? Did he mourn? She wondered if his only happy thought in dying was that he would get to see her on the other side.

And yet there she sat, alive. They were once again set-apart by the limits of life and death.

\---

Her interview went terrible. Ashley couldn't keep her composure without Chris around. She screamed, she panicked, she cried. She had a complete melt down. She had failed to save Jess when she heard her calling out. Now she was dead. She stabbed Josh. She didn't know it was Josh. She didn't know he was so messed up. She wouldn't have done it. Now he was dead. God only knows what happened to Matt. Emily said he fell off a tower. So he was probably dead. She couldn't ask Emily. Emily had been bitten. Mike had freaked out. They all got scared and didn't know what to do. So Mike had shot her. Now she was dead. Mike and Saw were supposed to meet her back at the lodge. Then they went and blew it up. Now they were dead.

Everyone was dead. Except for Chris. Except for her. Ashley was covered in blood.

Literally. She still hadn't changed out of her hoodie. She decided it was warm enough in there that she could probably take it off. She pulled it off as she walked to the place she was told to go to. She stared at in her hands. She thought that she should take off her bloody shorts too. She was wearing leggings. They had mostly survived the spray of Josh's blood.

'Wait it's pig's blood not Josh's blood' she thought as she used the inside of garment to roughly scrub her face clean as best she could at that point, 'Like in Carrie.' That kind of made her want to keep her stained clothes as weird souvenirs. She thought that Josh might have known she'd get the reference and thought that she would appreciate it. 'He's creepy but also thoughtful like that.'

“Was,” she corrected out loud to no one. 'He was creepy, but thoughtful like that.'

She found the sectioned off part of the building. It had been blocked off with stand-up curtains which was where she was told to go and wait. They probably put it up to minimize staring. When she got “inside” Chris was there in a stretcher with his leg elevated. She wondered when they were going to take them over to the hospital, if ever. Well, might as well get comfortable here. It looked like that was still awhile off.

She threw her hoodie onto the chair that was nearest him and had they not almost died together that previous night she'd have felt more embarrassed undoing the buttons and zipper of her jean shorts and pulling them off before they too were tossed on the chair to his right. He watched while she undressed, but nothing that even distantly resembled sexual interest passed over his stony features. Any other day she'd be insulted and disappointed by that.

He was down to his white t-shirt and jeans, himself. He was barefoot as well. His stuff was piled on the chair to his left, including his phone. It might have been the first time Ashley's seen it not in his hands when he had a free moment to himself. She sat on the edge of the stretcher. Chris moved over a little on the stretcher away from her she hopes just to give her room.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he responded.

They hadn't really talked. They hadn't had the chance to talk. They also hadn't really been alone since the lodge. They were alone together most of the night. But not since everything had happened.

“They haven't found Josh's body,” Chris said out of nowhere, “They have found all of the bodies so far but not his.”

“Do you think he might be...” Ashley started, she didn't want to say it. She didn't want to hope that their friend might actually be...

“No,” Chris said with finality, “I don't.”

“Oh,” she said. They still didn't know who else survived. But he didn't think it was Josh. She wondered why that was. Why was he so sure that Josh was dead? Ashley felt tired all of a sudden. She lay down next Chris in the tiny space he had created and his whole body went stiff. She could understand that. This was an intimate thing to do with someone and they hadn't decided yet what the two of them were. If they were anything other than survivors.

He cuddled up to her anyway because he also knew she didn't mean it in a romantic way by any means. She just didn't want to be alone. No, not just that. She wanted to be with him. Chris. He had been this constant presence throughout the night for her. Something light in all of the darkness, something warm in all of the coldness, something good in all of the badness, something beautiful in all of the ugliness. She wasn't ready to let go of it. She still needed it a little longer.

She thought that if he was honest with himself he'd realize he did too.

\---

It felt like prison.

People monitored their every move, questioned their ever action, and they judged their every word. She knew that she wasn't special. Whoever else from her group was there was being treated the same way. She had a hard time believing Emily would stand for it.

There was a fierce throbbing pain in her chest at that saddening thought. The last words that she had exchanged with Emily, her best friend since she was thirteen, had been in anger. Over what? Some boy! Mike was great, but he hadn't been worth all that hatred between them. They should have been able to work it out between them. Figured out a way all of them were happy.

Jess was put into a stretcher and taken to some in some area on the other side of the building where all the other survivors were. All the others they said. She wasn't dumb enough to hope this time that maybe there was a chance she could reconcile with Emily. Why let herself be disappointed twice? She focused instead on the person she knew for a fact would be in there when she arrived: Matt. She hoped he was doing okay. That his own interview had gone well. That he wasn't too badly hurt from his fall and that they had given him his sweats back now that she had been dressed in these ugly scrubs so he wasn't too terribly cold.

When the curtain was pushed back and Jess was brought in the “room” she saw them. The three other survivors of the night on Blackwood Pines Mountain: Matt, Ashley and Chris.

Her new boyfriend was dead, her old best friend was dead, her longtime friend with benefits was dead, her childhood friend was dead. Eight of them had gone up but only half of them came down. And Jess's first thought was that it was the weaker half that made it out.

Ashley and Chris were both asleep, together, in one stretcher. The EMT who helped Jess into her own stretcher didn't look like she approved of that arrangement, but she didn't seem like she wanted to wake them up either. She set Jess up close to a chair Matt was in. He watched with an oddly cold expression as Jess was settled in place.

He didn't speak until they were alone with their sleeping friends.

“I saved your fucking life.” is what he said. Jess was taken aback by that. He was so... angry. Why?

“Matt... I...” she could barely talk, she was so weak.

“I didn't have to help you. I could have just saved myself,” Matt continued on, “I thought about saving just myself and leaving you for the monster. I thought it might even give me some more time. I knew that would be wrong though. I knew I had to help you. So I did. I didn't have to.”

“I know,” Jess struggled to tell him. He was crying, “Matt, I'm so thankfu-”

“I never really liked Mike,” he interrupted her, “I hung out with him because he was a part of the group and we were both one of the guys. We weren't really friends ourselves. More friends by association but I never hated him. Didn't think he hated me either. I thought we respected each other at least.”

“I don't...” Jess had no idea what Matt was talking about.

“That prick of a boyfriend of yours was cheating on you with Emily,” Matt ranted on not seeming to care what she had to say in response, “He picked a fight with me in the lodge in front of everyone and despite him being a huge dick I still went out of my way to save you. Not for his sake, but I still did it. He would have thanked me, don't you think so?”

“I...” Why was he telling her this? Why was he doing it now? Why...?

“Do you want to know what your precious Mike was doing while I was risking my ass trying to save his girlfriend's life?” Matt yelled through his falling tears, getting to his feet and leaning to look right into her terrified face, “Huh do you?”

“Matt...” She was so tired and sad and confused.

“He shot my girlfriend in the fucking face, Jess! She's dead! Emily's dead!”

Mike had killed... Emily?

Jess didn't believe that. It couldn't have been true. She shook her head violently but Matt had collapsed back in his seat. He covered his face with his hands. She heard him crying. His head fell against her leg and she didn't know what to do. She put her hand in his hair stroked it. She pet him as he cried because he had saved her and she owed his the right to misplace his anger onto her. Despite Chris and Ashley, who had both woken up and were staring at them, being there and being alive no one really understood how she felt except for him.

The loves of their lives had died last night.


	2. Princesses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're just worried about their girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is Chris and Matt. There will be no pattern from here on out. Chapters will be told from whichever point of view makes sense and will be one or two people per chapter maybe rarely all four of them.
> 
> I still don't have a beta reader.
> 
> Enjoy.

They were taken to the hospital within the hour. The ambulances had arrived and taken them in groups of two. Girls and boys. Ashley looked reluctant to leave Chris, but she seemed okay since she would be riding with Jess. Jess looked like she didn't want to say she was happy to be riding with Ashley and not with him, but Matt got the feeling that was exactly how she felt.

It's okay. He didn't want to be around her either.

It wasn't really fair to her. She didn't do anything wrong and no matter what Mike did, Matt nd Jess were still friends. He had considered Jess one of his best friends before everything had gotten so complicated between the four of them. Before the drama had pulled him apart and made him choose between the two girls he had loved for very different reason in very similar ways. Before someone he had called a friend had shot his girlfriend in the face and killed her.

He couldn't be mad at Mike though. It was useless to be mad at a dead man. It was against his religion to speak ill of the dead and disrespect them. God did not look favorably on that. Not that Matt had ever been an overly religious guy. He was mostly just a good son doing what his family expected of him. He did a lot of things God would not approve of and then showed up to church with his family on Sunday like he had been a good Christen boy all week.

So he was choosing to be mad at Jessica. He had to be mad. If he stopped being mad then the sadness would set in again. He would start to grieve Emily and he wouldn't be able to stand that. He had tried so hard to save her. He wasn't good enough for her. He had been carried off by the monster. He had wandered the mines calling her name until he found Jess down there. He searched for her for hours. He never found her.

The last thing they had talked about was how she didn't treat him enough like he was a person, how she had been cheating on him with Mike. They had been yelling at each other. She was holding onto that tower for her life and he had yelled at her.

Maybe if he hadn't been so selfish..? If he had just listened to her and tried to get to her right away..? Then maybe Emily would have been with him. Maybe he could have kept her safe. Maybe she would have lived.

He was loaded into an ambulance with Chris on his stretcher, Matt was sat on a side seat with one of the workers. Neither of them were that hurt so they had been taken after the girls as Jess was in the worst condition. Matt had never been that close with the guy. They smiled tensely at each other a few times though, happy that at least someone else had survived the night.

\---

Chris was worried about Ashley.

They were having an x-ray done of his leg and he was the one they were talking about keeping there a few days, but he was worried about Ashley. He didn't know what had happened to Jess when she got to the hospital. He and Matt had been brought to separate rooms right away so the same was probably true for the girls. It wasn't that he didn't care about his other friends. He just really cared about Ashley.

A lot.

She made the thoughts in his head go away. She was good at that. That's how he had come to fall for her over the last year. Actually fall for her. There had always been a crush, but after Hannah and Beth disappeared and Josh became a ghost he got lonely. He spent almost everyday with Ashley. When he was with her he could think clearly. He would focus on her. On making her laugh. On asking her all sorts of questions about herself. On her ticks and her quirks. On anything that distracted him from the fact that the three people he had know the longest in his life were basically gone and may never come back again. She came to occupy a large portion of his mind from them on.

So much so that one day Chris fell in love with Ashley. He didn't mean to do it. He didn't plan to do it. When he realized it had happened he wasn't even sure how it had happened. Nothing about them had seemed any different up until that point, but everything was.

He had found in those first few hours that he didn't think about Mike and Sam and Emily and Josh when he was with Ashley. At least not as much. He was worrying too much about her to think about all of them. He didn't want to think about his other friends. His friends who had died those last few hours. Most especially he didn't want to think about Josh.

Josh had to be dead. The other option was too gruesome to consider. Paralyzed, alone, slowly dying from cold and blood loss somewhere in those mines where Emily said that thing lived. Josh struggling to stay alive while knowing the same people who couldn't find his sisters a year earlier would be the ones searching for him. Having no hope and fearing every second that the monster that made him this way would come back to finish the job. Wondering why his friends, why Chris, had left him out in the shed to die.

'First the wendigo he'll render you immobile, then he strips the skin off your body. He keeps you alive and aware as he feasts on your organs. One piece at a time.'

No, Josh had to be dead. It had to have been over quick. Like it was with Mike and Sam and Emily. Chris wasn't sure he could live with himself otherwise.

\---

His family got there first.

Matt didn't know whether to count himself as lucky or unlucky for that. Almost his whole family came to the hospital to see him. Mother, father, and sister. His parents he understood. He understood them bringing Melody as well. His only sister and only younger sibling adored him. It was better to have her there so she could see him then to leave her and have her cry and call and worry. All of which were the things she'd have done if they left her behind.

 He wasn't surprised the twins Damion and Rory did not come along. Both of them were in college and away at school. Matt's brothers did care for him though and his phone had gone off with a couple texts from them over the last hour. He remembered when he mentioned to Beth that his older brothers were fraternal twins. It was the first conversation they had that wasn't about school. He had found out about her sister Hannah and they had all became friends.

“Oh, my baby,” his mother said as she entered the room with his little sister in tow. “Thank heavens that you're alive!”

“Matty!” Melody chimed up as she struggled against their mother's iron grip to get to him.

“I'm fine, mom,” he promised. Truthfully Matt didn't even need to be in the hospital anymore. He had taken a shower when he got there and aside from a few cuts and bruises he was alright. He had a minor fracture in his shoulder, but that was nothing. The doctors were just waiting for his parents to show up and get him as he was still a minor.

His mother came over to his bed and hugged him tightly, she was crying, “I should have never let you go back up to that place after what happen to those poor girls last year. I should have forbidden it! And you better believe that your father and I are going to have some words for you when you're out of this bed young man.”

“I know, mom,” Matt answered.

“Where is that father of yours?” she continued, “He should come see you. He told me he was looking for a doctor.”

His mother still with one hand firmly holding onto him was looking around for a sign of his father. Finally released from their mom's hold, Melody climbed into his bed and onto his lap. When she saw what the girl had done their mother gave her a look as if she was about to scold her, but before she could Matt hugged her tightly to his chest and kept her there for a long time.

“I was worried about you,” she squeaked from inside his arms, “Are you hurt, Matty?”

“Yeah,” Mat answered feeling tears in his eyes because he was hurt. Not physically, but emotionally. And he could never lie to his little sister. “But I think it's going to be okay, Mel.”

“It's okay,” she promised struggling to wrap her little arms around him back, “Mommy, Daddy and I are here for you.”

“Thanks, kid,” Matt sighed holding his sister to him and never wanting to let her go. Then his little sister said the worst thing she could have in that moment.

“Where's Emily? Is she okay?”

Matt could have crushed his little sister he hugged her so tightly as he started to cry.

\---

Ashley came to his room as soon as they told her she was okay.

“I don't think you're supposed to be walking around,” Chris said to her trying his best to sit up with his stupid leg in a stupid sling.

“No,” she said as she closed the door, “I'm supposed to stay in my room.”

Then why are you here? He wanted to ask. But he knew why she was here. Because this was his room. He thought he had the same effect on her that she did on him. With Ashley here all the other thoughts in his head quieted down. She sat on the edge of his bed and he tried to make room for her.

She looked over at his leg and sighed, “Do they know what's wrong with it?”

“Not yet,” he answered. He didn't want to talk about this. He wanted to ask her about... She had... And there was that conversation they had in the old hotel...

What had all of that meant? Were the two of them..?

But it wasn't the right time. Their friends were dead and they were in mourning. The whole night had been an emotional nightmare. It wasn't the right time to be thinking about romance. Even if he knew at this point that she felt for him the way he felt for her. Ashley shifted until she was hovering over him. She ran her hand through his hair which had wilted down out of his faux hawk and then trailed it along his face to his chin. She tilted his face towards hers.

He thought about pulling away, but instead he just remained stiff in her hand. Every part of his mind screamed that this was wrong. He thought about stopping her.

“I'm so happy that we made it out of this... together,” she whispered. She was close enough that her breath brushed his mouth and he knew she was going to kiss him.

The door opened and a different redhead came barreling in before she could do it. Ashley pulled back quickly at the sound.

“The nurses told me I might find you in here, little sis,” she said in annoyance before her eyes shifted from her sister to him and her eyebrow went up in a way that wasn't appropriate for a day of grief.

“I was worried about Chris,” Ashley defended with a blush on her face.

“I see as much,” Ashley's older sister Natasha replied, “Hi, Chris.”

"Hi, Nat,” Chris responded. Ashley's older sister had been on Ashley about him the way Josh had been on Chris about her from what he's heard.

“Where's dad?” Ashley asked even though Chris could tell she was happy it was not her father who had caught her sneaking out of her own bed to visit (kiss) a boy in his.

Nat sighed, “Stuck at work. He can't find anyone to come in for his shift. He's trying but he can't so he sent me. I told him that if they'll release you to me that I would bring you home. He's so worried Ash. He hasn't been this stressed out since mom died.”

Ashley looked at him. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay until he could leave, but she knew that she had to go. So Ashley stood up and left with her sister. Chris watched her go the whole time and even stared at the door a little after it was closed.

His thoughts came back in full force. 

\---

Matt's father joined them after he tracked down a doctor and dragged the man into the room. He asked the man question after question about his son's condition.

While he did this, Matt's mother worried over him and Matt worried over his sister. How do you tell a little girl that someone they knew was dead? How was anyone going to tell Emily's own little brother and sister? Who was going to tell them that their sister was never coming home? Her parents? But then who was going to tell them? Would he have to do it? He wasn't sure he had the strength for it.

His mother had told Melody not to bother him with anymore question so instead she was showing him a game on her tablet. She got to create her own brand of monster girls.

“I like the werewolf girls best,” Melody told him, “They get to have the prettiest and longest hair in the most colors. See? Her hair is in lots of braids and it's blue!”

“Melody let your brother be,” his mother scolded, “He's had a long night.”

“It's okay mom, really,” Matt said and then turned to his sister, “What other kinds of monsters can you make in your game?”

Matt had had his fill of monsters for a lifetime, but she couldn't know that. Besides that the game was very loud and obnoxiously bright, but he was thankful for the distraction. He held her in his lap and let her show him how she picked different styles and fashion and colors for her monster high school girls. Then she asked him to make one with her.

"What kind a girl do you want to make?” she asked him sweetly.

 “Let's make a cheerleader,” he told her. Melody shook her head at him.

“You're girlfriend isn't a cheerleader,” she replied as if that was a factor in this decision. Matt had to swallow hard to keep himself from crying again.

“She's not a monster either,” Matt chocked out. 'Or alive anymore.'

Melody accepted that and picked the cheerleader. They made a vampire cheerleader together and Matt noticed she kind of looked like Jess when they were done. He had been trying not to think about her either.

He had saved her life and he should feel like a hero. He should feel good about what he did. Instead he ended up feeling like somehow he had traded Jess' life for Emily's. That he had saved Jess and as some form of exchange Emily had to die. That it was karma or something like it.

He wondered how she was doing. He saw Ashley walk by with her sister, presumably to leave as she was dressed and had all her things and Chris had seemed okay except for his foot. Jess on the other hand had been doing badly all night. She passed out on their way to the ranger station and they had to rush her to the hospital when the roads were clear. He had heard the word miracle in conjunction with her name many times over that day. Maybe she was in the intensive care unit. Maybe she would die.

But she couldn't die because then Matt would have lost Emily for nothing.

\---

She doesn't come into the room the way you would expect one's mother to come into the hospital room of her first born child. That is to say she didn't scramble in or run through or burst down the door or come barreling in like Ashley's sister did. She opens the door and walks in doing a firm march.

That's how Chris knew it was his mother before he looked over.

His mother is a sensible, calm woman. She worried, but she didn't panic. She didn't overreact to things. She thought things through. She knew if he was here in the hospital that at the very least he was alive. He knew she was worried. She didn't have to rant and rave and come flying through the door like a mad woman for him to know that. He had been her only child for a long time. For over ten years it was just the two of them.

Until she decided to marry the man that followed her into his hospital room; Dr. Daniel Sullivan. He was a childrens' dentist. Actually he had been Chris' dentist. That's how they had met. Josh at the ripe old age of eleven had made a joke about how Chris wasn't the only family member Dr. Sullivan was sticking his instruments into anymore. Chris heart sunk thinking about Josh.

His mother's body relaxed when she saw him laying there mostly unharmed and she stepped forward to put her hand in his hair. She was probably happy his gel had sweat out and he was no longer sporting his faux hawk. She hated it. She said it looked stupid and the only thing that could have made it worse was if he got an actual Mohawk instead.

She looked at his leg and shook her head. Then with tears in her eyes she asked with so much affection and understanding what on any other day would have been an appropriate thing, but on that day was not even close to being okay.

“Josh?”

Chris felt tears well up in his own eyes and he nodded as he said, “Josh.”

Then ludicrously Chris began to laugh. He laughed as he cried because Josh was gone. His mother was standing there thinking that all this was just some joke Josh had played. Like the hundreds of others that his friend had played. His mother was standing there thinking Chris got hurt goofing around with his best friend like the hundreds of other times she had been called to the school nurse because Chris got hurt during one of Josh's schemes. His mother was standing there ready to forgive Josh because he was a just a boy and he never meant any harm. It was one more night of tomfoolery from her boy and his best friend that went a little too far.

His mother had no idea that Josh had put Chris through hell the night before. That Josh had basically tortured her son. That Chris had left him to die because of it. That Josh was dead and gone. That this would be the last time she ever asked that question and Chris answered it.

And that was kind of funny.

Except it wasn't. Not at all and soon Chris was only crying.

\---

Matt got to leave very soon after his father finished talking to the doctor. He was doing okay. He would need to follow-up with his own doctor and they would have to talk about continuing with football. (Shamefully that was the last thing on his mind.) All and all through he was mostly unscathed and he could go home with his family that day.

He didn't want to leave yet though. He wanted to visit Jess. His anger at her a dissipated (somewhat) and he wanted to see if she was okay. He needed to see that she was okay. Once he had started thinking about her, he hadn't been able to get himself to stop. He felt responsible for her.

But it was a long drive home and he knew his parents weren't going to agreed to something like that. Especially not when they had his little sister to think about. She was only barely eight years old. So he had to accept that he would not get to see Jess again for quite awhile. Maybe not until after she was out of the hospital herself.

It was only then that Matt began to think that maybe Jess didn't care about how he felt anymore.

\---

Chris had to stay overnight. His foot was only fractured and they were only going to put it in a booted cast for a few weeks, but he still had to stay for observational purposes.

Despite protests from her husband and the fact that it was unnecessary his mother stayed with him the whole night too. Eventually he told her that Josh was gone. That he wasn't coming back. That a lot of his friends were never coming back. That he almost didn't come back. He had watched two people die. He knew others had died as well, but he watched two of them die. The Stranger and Emily. He told his mother that the strange man on the mountain had saved his life and he didn't even bother to get the old man's name.

He told his mother that Ashley had lived (and Matt and Jess), but for awhile he thought only he and she had made it out. She looked like she wanted to say something when he told her about it but she didn't. She let him talk until he couldn't anymore. He didn't tell her everything. He didn't even tell her most of what happened. Just enough so that she knew.

And feeling a little lighter, Chris was able to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted so bad to give Matt a little sister so I did.
> 
> Things are not so simple with Chris and Ashley and they probably won't get simple any time soon.


	3. Castles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They built this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to go too much overly into detail with the funerals and skipped over the family members of the deceased because the story isn't about that. It's about these four characters.
> 
> Also trying to be somewhat realistic with their injuries here.
> 
> Enjoy.

They didn't see each other much before the funerals started.

Jessica had been asked by both of Sam's moms and by Mike's parents to speak at the services for their respective children. She was honored but she couldn't. Not both of them. Not so close together. It was far too hard. It was far too painful.

“I'll do one,” Ashley offered sitting with Jess in her room. She had only been released from the hospital a week ago and wasn't allowed out of the house yet. She would be going to the services in a wheelchair. That was how bad her injuries still were. She might need medical assistance the rest of her life.

“Really?” Jess asked. She had multiple broken ribs and one of her knees was fractured. Plus there was the muscle bruising and stiff joints in her back, hips and hands But the scars might be the worst of it. She was covered in huge bandaged cuts and stitches. All of which would be leaving behind nasty scars.

“Well nobody has asked me to speak,” she answered with a shrug, “Matt is going to speak at Emily's. And once they finally have a service for Josh I'm sure the Washingtons will ask Chris to say something. So I should do somebody's service right? It's only fair.”

The Washingtons had not given up hope of finding Josh, just like a year earlier they had not given up on finding their daughters for months after they disappeared. Though both Ashley and Chris seemed so sure Josh was dead, despite neither of them actually seeing him die and his body still missing. Jess had been carried off by the monster as had Matt and they both lived. Why couldn't the same be true of Josh?

“Why are you so sure Josh is... not coming back?” Jess asked. Ashley leaned back in Jess' desk chair and stared out of the window over her bed. They talked about services and funerals. Jess heard some of her friends met with the families members of those they had lost. They hardly ever said the word 'dead' aloud though. They hadn't done it when Hannah and Beth went missing and wouldn't this time either.

“You didn't see him,” Ashley said quietly, her eyes unfocused, “I don't think a person in their right mind could have survived all this time in those mines, let alone one as far gone as Josh was...”

Josh had always been... weird. One would think Jess would have known more about him considering the fact that she and he had been having sex on and off since she was fourteen. They hadn't been in love or anything like that. They were just a couple of horny kids looking to get their rocks off with someone they trusted. They stopped after his sisters went missing. She figured he blamed her for what happened. He seemed like he blamed everyone. Even Sam and Chris and himself. She hardly saw him after that. She only realized now how much she had missed his company.

“How's Chris dealing with it?” Jess found herself asking Ashley. She wanted to make herself feel better by letting herself know that someone was suffering worse than she was.

“I don't know,” Ashley admitted her eyes back on Jess and less cloudy, “I haven't gotten to see him and his texts are vague. My dad has me on a pretty strict lock-down since everything happened.”

“You're visiting me.”

“You aren't a nineteen year old boy stuck in his bed.”

Jess got the feeling there was something going on there. Something complicated. Her gossiper instincts wailed for her to pester Ashley until she gave up the goods. In the end she decided it would probably be better for them both if she didn't pry. Things had been emotional enough.

“What about Matt? Have you heard from him?” Jess asked cautiously. Jess hadn't, but she hadn't really tried to reach out to him either. She didn't think he wanted to see her and didn't feel like getting yelled at if he did agree to see her. So she had no idea what was going on with Matt, but she hadn't heard from him much. He sent her a text when she first got home, but they hadn't talked about anything important. Ashley had been Jess' only visitor among the other survivors as Chris was stuck at home in bed due to his own injury. 

“I haven't heard from him and from what I know neither has Chris,” Ashley sighed out, “I think he just wants to be left alone. For now anyway.”

“Oh.”

“I mean we'll see him in a few days... at Emily's funeral.”

“Yeah, I guess we will.”

That sat heavy in her heart. She was going to Emily's funeral. 

It was finally Ashley who told Jessica the whole story. Emily had been bitten by the creature and they didn't know whether she would turn into one of them herself. With absolutely no evidence to go on Mike had made the choice to kill her in order to save everyone's lives. Jess couldn't really be mad at Chris or Ashley for their compliance with Mike. She couldn't even really be mad at Mike for thinking that way. For all any of them knew Emily might have turned into a monster like the one that attacked them all. Had it been anyone else in Emily's place Jess was sure her best friend would have made the same decision. The needs of the many and all that. Emily was a closet Star Trek fan. Almost no one knew that fact. She'd made Jess promise to take it to her grave with her.

“With that in mind, who's service do you want to speak at?” Ashley pressed loudly, clearing her throat, trying much like Jess to focus on tangible things and not their grief over their friends or their mortality, “Mike's or Sam's? Probably Mike's right? I mean he was your boyfriend...”

He was, which was exactly why she couldn't do it. She couldn't think about Mike and all the time they had lost. They hadn't been together long enough for their time to mean anything much to anyone who wasn't them. The best she could hope to do was write some sappy shit about young love being cut short or how fleeting love is or some other impersonal, unoriginal schlock. Sure they had been friends before they were a couple, but she had nothing too spectacularly special to say about that either. Nothing she could ever write would accurately convey what Micheal Munroe had meant to her.

Sam on the other hand, Jess knew. They had grown up together. Sam had been her first real friend and had remained her friend until after high school. She felt at least she understood Sam. She could talk about Sam. She could do Sam's life and death justice. And Ashley, being the writer and the sweetheart that she was, could do the same for the man Jess had loved.

\---

Emily's funeral was the hardest of the three. Because it was the first one. Because Jess hadn't seen Matt or Chris since the day after everything happened. Because she was special to Jessica in a way the others would never be. The Washingtons came, Sam's moms came, but Mike's family did not come.

Jess felt embarrassed being pushed around in her wheelchair by her mother. She could feel everybody staring at her. They had to sit in the front or the back to accommodate the chair and Jess' mother asked in a sweet voice, “Honey, would you like to stay here in the back?”

“No,” Jess insisted, knowing what her mother was trying to do, “I want to sit in the front.”

She was not going to hide from this. She was not going to hide from Emily's family and Matt and her own terrible guilt. She was not going to let her sitting in a corner hiding away be how she said goodbye to her best friend for the last five years. She was going to face Emily head on. If she could then she was going to look the girl right in the face. Nothing could be scarier than the horrible thing she had faced on the mountain top. Nothing.

So Jess' mother wheeled her to the front pew of the church. She kept her eyes ahead and not on all the people who stared and whispered as she passed them by. She caught a glimpse of Chris with his mom at some point. She also saw Ashley who looked like she was there with Matt and his father as her own father wasn't anywhere in sight. Matt looked right at her. His eyes looked soft and sorry. They were red so she knew he had already been crying.

Now that she knew the truth about what happened, now that she couldn't deny that her boyfriend had killed his girlfriend she had a hard time facing him. She didn't blame him for his anger. With Micheal dead who else was left to shoulder the responsibility of his crime? Jessica spent a lot of time shrugging away her responsibilities.

“I'm worried, guys. Hannah and Beth still haven't come back. Come on Ash, let's wake Josh and Chris. We need to go look for them.”

Shrug.

“Mike broke up with me! I don't understand. How could he break up with me? I bet you that stupid ass prick doesn't even know it's our anniversary next week. I already bought him a gift, too!”

Shrug.

“She was so cold you know? I need a fun girl! A girl that doesn't want to chain me down or control me. You get what I'm saying, right Jess? You'd never treat your man like that.”

Shrug.

“Come on, Jessica. I miss you! I want us all to do something together. We can even keep our clothes on the whole weekend. It's a big mountain, you'll barely see Emily. Just say you'll be here.”

Shrug.

Jess didn't really listen to the priest. He probably said the same things the one at Hannah and Beth's funeral had said a year ago. She hadn't listened then either. She's not sure that she really understood they were dead back then. She hadn't seen them die and she didn't know anyone who did. They were just gone. There was no bodies, there was no crime scene, there was nothing to bury. That made it all distant and foreign and almost unreal. There was always this chance in all of their minds that Hannah and Beth would come back to them. Jess watched a lot of trashy movies where girls with amnesia remembered their pasts and headed home. Where people long since thought dead showed back up in your life with nothing more than a 'sorry.' Where people had been living double lives or hiding away until they faced their pasts and were found by their families and it was heart warming for everyone. Some part of her had always thought that Beth and Hannah would do the same thing. So she never processed the guilt. She never truly mourned them.

She understood it this time around. That she had killed Hannah and by extension Beth. Maybe in a way she had killed Emily too.

That was why this one was the hardest.

\---

With Hannah and Beth it had been different. There had been no bodies and so there had been no caskets to see and mourn over. There had just been lovely flower wraiths with photos on them inside. As the brother of twins himself Matt could never decide whether he agreed with the Washingtons holding a joint service for their two daughters rather than individual ones. It seemed appropriate as they came into the world together and had disappeared together. They were best friends before they were sisters and they loved each other more than they loved anything.

But they were separate people, with separate lives, separate dreams, and separate personalities. The two were their own people and deserved to be celebrated as such. They had deserved to be honored for who they were apart just as much as who they were together. All of the rest of his friends had had their own funerals, separate from each other.

Emily's funeral was the first and the biggest. Her family had a lot of friends and all of them came. Hell, teachers from their old high school came. Girls he thought hated Emily in high school came. Boys that he knew hated Emily in high school came. It was quite the crowd for quite the girl. But then Emily was not the type of person you forgot about.

She looked great. Dead, but great. He couldn't even tell where she had been shot, her parents had gotten the finest mortician to reconstruct her face. Matt was positive that her outfit cost as much as her casket, which was made from real white marble. Only the best would do for Emily. Though he didn't like her make-up because it was too light. Emily loved dark colors.

He had been asked by her parents to speak at her service so he did. He quoted Shakespeare and went on about how Emily was smart and beautiful and could have done anything. He told them that he would've followed her anywhere. He would know it was the right way because Emily was always right. Always. She knew what she wanted and she went for it. She expected the best from everybody, but no one more so than herself. He said all the things he knew that Emily would want to hear. But he didn't say the one thing he had yet to figure out for himself.

He didn't say that he loved her.

Because he had never got the chance to find out.

\---

Sam's funeral was the strangest and also the nicest. 

Her mothers had a natural burial meaning they were all expected to help wrap Sam in a hemp sheet and cover her with flowers and herbs and seeds before they unceremoniously dumped her body into a hole in the ground. No casket, no head stone, no embalming. People took turns saying nice things while the others worked, including Jess. Both she and Chris opted not to take part in her actual burial, blaming it on their injuries though Matt had a feeling they just weren't very comfortable with it.

It was weird to see Sam like that. In her sundress and sandals. Know one knew how, but she had somehow been shielded from the brunt of the blast. She had bad burns and many bruises but she mostly still looked like Sam. She was also the only one of them that looked to be at peace. Emily had looked almost like she was a doll and Mike's charred remains were cremated. Sam somehow managed to look like she was just sleeping. She managed to look perfect and wonderful. She was an angel on earth. In life and in death.

“She saved my life,” Ashley whispered sadly to Matt while they wrapped Sam's feet in lilacs together, “She stopped the monster from attacking me.”

“That sounds like Sam,” Matt said back gently and just as quietly. They didn't talk about the monster.

“I don't deserve to live instead of her,” Ashley asserted with tears in her eyes, “She should have saved herself not me. She was the only one of us who didn't...”

Ashley cut herself off. She turned away from Matt. He didn't ask her what she was going to say. But he also didn't tell her that she was wrong. He wanted to. He wanted to tell Ashley that she deserved to live as much as Sam did. That he was happy that she had made it. Sam would want her to be happy she had made it. Sam wanted her to live. Sam wouldn't have done it if she didn't want her to live.

But he didn't think it would help her. It never helped when his family said that kind of stuff to him.

\---

Matt didn't go to Mike's funeral. He just couldn't. Emily's family didn't go either. Just like Mike's hadn't gone to Emily's. Everything was too raw for all of them. Maybe it would always be.

He heard that Ashley spoke that time. She told a story about meeting Mike at a party, how he had asked for her vote in the up coming election with more swagger than any other boy she ever met and how he always had something charming to say. She told them all how he was driven and charismatic. She told them about how Mike was dedicated and strong. He was a good friend. How he was fair and he helped those who needed it. How he would do the things that everybody else was too afraid to do.

Like kill Emily. That part wasn't in Ashley's speech.

\---

Matt went to visit Chris the day after Mike's funeral. There had been no service for Josh... yet. Jess was the only one of them who still held out hope that Josh would be found and would return home safely. She and Josh's parents were the only people who believed that. Matt understood why. Even after he was told Emily had been shot until he was told she was dead he had hoped she was okay. He wasn't going to make that mistake with Josh.

“Hey, man,” Chris said when Matt entered his room. A little boy had let him inside. He was around the same age as Melody probably. He looked it anyway.

“Hey,” Matt said before pointing over his shoulder at nothing, “That kid your little brother?”

“Yeah, that's Nick,” Chris answered, “Did he let you in? He's not supposed to do that.”

“I told him I was your friend,” Matt said standing awkwardly in Chris' room. He had never been in this house before, let alone Chris' room. He wasn't exactly sure why he had come. He knew Chris was fine. He had seen him at both Sam's and Emily's funerals.

“Still. He should know better. Anyone can say that,” Chris sighed.

“I tell Mel the same thing,” Matt sympathized happy he had something in common with Chris that they could talk about.

“Mel?” Chris asked curiously.

“Melody. My little sister. She's about his age I think.”

“Huh. How old is she?”

“She just turned eight about two months ago.”

“Yeah around the same age. He's going to be nine in May.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

And now they had nothing to talk about. Matt stared at Chris' booted cast on his bed. At his crutches up against the night stand. His computer that blinked on the pause screen of whichever game Chris had been playing before Matt showed up.

“Do you want to sit down? You can take the desk chair or the beanbag or you can even sit on my bed,” Chris offered after awhile, “People tend to like the beanbag chair though. It's really comfy. Ashley tried to steal it from me once.”

“I'm good standing.”

“Okay.”

More silence stretched between them. Had Matt ever been alone with Chris? He was never really that good of friends with any of the guys. They were all older than him and he didn't have much in common with any of them. He did guy things with them as a group, but even that stuff was few and far between.

“Matt, it's not that I don't like your company,” Chris started sounding overly polite and as if that was very much a lie, “But why are you here?”

“Why did he do it, Chris?” Matt asked suddenly. Chris looked confused so Matt, swallowing hard first, clarified what he meant, “Why did he shoot her?”

Chris eyes lit up with understanding and then he turned them away from Matt. He pushed his laptop off his lap and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. He took a few deep breaths. Matt thought Chris might be crying for awhile. Finally he took off his glasses and after he rubbed his face he answered.

“It's not an easy story to tell,” Chris explained. Matt doubted it was going to be an easy one to hear too. “But you have to understand. Things were tense.”

“Just tell me Chris,” Matt demanded. He needed to know. It had been burning like a brand in his mind since he found out it happened. Matt knew he and Chris were not close enough that he should demand this story from him. He thought about asking Ash, but he never saw Ash. She was being kept under a tight lock and key. When he did see her he had been too busy with Emily's family at Emily's funeral and she had been so upset at Sam's. Neither time seemed appropriate. He had to know though.

“She got bit by the Wendigo... the monster,” Chris struggled to tell him, “We didn't know what it meant and it scared us. We didn't want to hurt her. We asked her to leave the safe room, but she wouldn't do it. Mike got mad and he got desperate and so he...”

He killed her.

“You have to understand Matt. This man with a flamethrower showed up and he told us about this curse on the mountain. That eating people turned you into one of those monsters and we didn't know whether it worked like an infection or not. Mike was just trying to keep us all safe.”

Matt understood that and yet...

If it had been Jess who was bit would Mike have pulled the trigger? What about Sam or Chris or Ash? Would that have made things the same? Would Mike still have made the same choice when the person he had to kill was someone he hadn't had such a complicated relationship with? Did Mike have another reason for wanting Emily dead?

Matt would never know the truth. He could never ask the man. He was left to draw his own conclusions on the issue.

He didn't like the one he came to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the characters to have unique services that fit them. Sam's burial ceremony is a real thing people do by the way.
> 
> Things are probably going to weird with Matt and Jess for awhile. Also Ashley be lying about Emily and the bite.


	4. Quests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just have to get things done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure where this like fairytail chapter naming convention is coming from, but it is what it is. Also the reason the label is Possible Matt/Jessica is because I haven't decided if that's where I want to go with them or not.
> 
> Chris has to confront his relationship with Ashley and Jess tries to find meaning where there may not be any.
> 
> Enjoy.

Not all of them went back to school. Jess was too sick for it and he didn't keep up with what Matt was doing with his time. The two of them didn't talk much with the exception of their conversation about Mike and Emily. Chris wasn't going to judge anyone for it though. He only went back because it got him out of the house and it helped him not think about what happened to him and his friends. It was also the only place he got to be with Ashley. 

Her father, understandably if unfairly, did not let her out of the house for any reasons other than to go to school or to go to work. The only times he could see her were when she was on their University's campus or while she was working. Ashley's boss had never liked it when he and/or Josh would come to hang out with Ashley and left without buying something. His wallet couldn't handle him getting a new piece of jewelry every time he wanted to see her either.

She ended up working at the jewelry and tattoo place by their old high school when they were seniors. She was in there enough that the woman knew who she was by then and she needed someone to watch the counter and the register while she was in the back with a costumer. Ashley loved her job and Chris wasn't going to risk her losing it just so he could spend an hour with her. So he only saw her at school.

When he left his English 101 class Ashley was there. He didn't realize she was waiting for him at first because Ashley was always in the English Lit. building. Whether she was sitting in the reading room with her books, or waiting outside her professor's office, or chatting with the department Secretary, or hanging out until her class started. He got that she had been waiting for him when she came up to him as he headed for the elevator on his crutches.

“Hey, you want me to get your bag for you?” she asked indicating the bag he had on his back.

“No, it's not that bad, I got it,” he lied. Operating his crutches with a heavy bag strapped to him was a huge annoyance, but he wasn't about to make her carry the weight in her tiny arms. They stepped into the elevator together when it arrived. She pressed the floor button for him.

“I'm free for the rest of the day because my math class was canceled,” she said as they rode down the three or so floors, “Do you mind if I join you for lunch?”

“Of course not,” he answered trying to remain casual. Trying not to drown in the tension that hung all around them. Things had seemed so clear when they didn't know how the night was going to end and their very lives were on the line. It was kind of romantic to say their first ever kiss had been in a do or die situation. That Ashley in a haze of desperation and passion, afraid she might never get the chance to do it again, had kissed him. It was kind of romantic to think that Chris had only made it back from what was basically a suicide mission because he knew she and all of her love was waiting for him.

But that wasn't the reality. Ashley had been the last thing on his mind as he ran away from that creature that had most certainly killed Josh. He was running for his life because he wanted to live. Because he thought Josh was dead (again) and he didn't want to die too. Because he had already forfeited his life one time that night and he had been so piss-in-his-pants scared when he did it that he couldn't handle doing it a second time. Not because there was a pretty girl waiting for him. He hadn't even remembered Ashley had kissed him until right before he got to witness Mike shoot Emily dead. And it hadn't been much of a priority for him after that.

“Do you need me to get the door for you?” Ashley asked as they left the elevator and headed to the exit of the building.

“That would be great, yeah,” he replied. She opened the door for him and then she walked slowly to keep in step with him as they headed to one of the dining halls. The one without stairs because they didn't have much of a choice in that. They didn't talk as they walked but Ashley kept making noises as if she wanted to say something. When they got in line together and decided what they wanted to eat, she carried his meal for him. She also offered to pay for both of them when he had trouble digging out his wallet. He didn't like that. He didn't like her doing things for him. It was his job to do things for her. Josh and Mike would have laughed at him for letting a girl take care of him. But then he guessed that didn't really matter anymore, did it? They would never know about it. He followed her to a larger table (to accommodate his cast and crutches) and it took a bit of maneuvering to get himself in the booth. She set his food down in front of him and sat across from him.

“Are you catching up with all your classes okay?” Chris asked after they had been silently eating for a little while. Ashley nodded. They had both been out of class for two weeks due to injuries and funerals so there was quite of bit of work they had missed.

“Yeah,” she said with a mouth full and then swallowed, “My professors have been really understanding and they all gave me until the end of the semester to finish my back work.”

“Lucky,” he commented with a soft laugh and small smile, “My professors keep saying I should try to turn it in sooner rather than later or I might fall behind on the material. Though I get what they mean, sciences are taught in sequence. You can't really do it out of order or certain things won't make sense.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. She pushed her food around on her tray, not eating. He knew why she asked him to eat with her. They couldn't just not talk about it forever. Eventually they had to address what happened between them. They had to talk about their conversation in the old hotel when they thought they were going to die. They had to talk about them kissing and then her almost kissing him again in the hospital.

“Ash,” Chris said calling her attention to him, “Just so you know, I'm not expecting anything from you. Everything was intense and none of us were in the right frame of mind. I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me now that it's all over.”

To his surprise Ashley smiled and laughed a little, “I don't want to go back to that, Chris.”

“What do you mean?” Chris asked gently.

“I don't want to go back to that place,” she explained with a determined look, “Where we would go to social events and formal occasions at school together, but you know 'just as friends.' Where we would flirt and hang out all the time and people would always say to us, 'Oh, you two are such a cute couple' and we would blush and tell them 'No, no, it's not like that' when of course it was like that. Where we would walk places together and end up holding hands or fall asleep cuddled up with each other in the same bed after a night of partying then shrug it off like it was nothing afterward. Like it meant nothing. Because it did. I kissed you because I wanted to. No other reason. And it meant something.”

This wasn't the way it went with them. She was right. They had a pattern. They danced the line between being a couple and not being one. Then when things went too far they backtracked into the friend-zone fast enough to break the sound barrier. She didn't want things to keep happening in that way anymore. She wasn't willing to play games with him anymore. Ashley was making the romantic relationship between the two of them a now or a never.

“Okay then what did it mean?” Chris asked reaching across the table and grabbing her free hand in his, “Do you love me?”

“I... I think... Yes, I do,” she answered gripping his hand back.

“Good. Because I love you,” he responded pulling her hand across the table and pulling her to him.

She sighed turning over their clasped hands on the table a few times. She seemed to be processes this information even though he had told her this already but in different words. Neither of them was eating. They were just staring at each other as they held hands.

“I just don't want to waste any more of our time together.”

“Then we won't.”

This time, as awkward as it was to do in their current positions, it was Chris who leaned forward on the table to connect their mouths in a quick gentle kiss.

Like that they were a couple. They crossed the line into the romantic territory. The earth didn't move. There were no rainbow or fireworks. It was a pretty minimal affair and it had happened in the busy, loud, gross, crowded dining hall. They were happy as evidenced by the smiles they couldn't keep off their faces and the fact that they sat there holding hands, eating and talking until they each had to go meet their respective rides home. It was just so much simpler than Chris ever thought it would be.

It wasn't until he was away from her and back home that he realized it hadn't been simple. It had killed his friends.

\---

Jess did not return to school. 

She wasn't in any condition for it physically, but also she just didn't want to go. She hadn't even declared a major yet. She had no idea what she wanted to study and she didn't have the drive to sit around in general electives with no real goal in sight. It was better for her if she stayed home.

But then she was bored. When she was bored she would think.

She thought about Emily. She and Mike had left the main lodge before Emily even got there all because Mike and Matt got into a fight and Josh sent her and Mike off to the guest cabin to calm them all down. Jess tried her hardest to recall the last thing she had said to Emily that wasn't in anger. That wasn't said as a means to piss her off or get under her skin. What was the last thing they ever talked about while she was still her friend.

She couldn't remember.

It had probably been about something unimportant like clothes, or magazines, or boys or even school. What were the chances they talked about something deep before their friendship was over? What were the chances that they had a good moment as their last one? Where they told each other that they loved each other and they hugged and laughed together? Was it more likely that they just sat in her room like she was doing and talked about nothing in particular until Emily left with a 'see ya later, girl'? Probably.

Then she had hooked up with Mike and Emily was the first to find out. Even though she was already with Matt. Jess isn't sure why she thought that was going to make it okay for her to date Mike. She just figured it would. Emily went on and on about how she was over Mike. Then when Jess got together with him had the nerve to say she stole her boyfriend. She hadn't. She had never done anything with Mike before he and Emily broke up.

Mike had apparently gone back and done things with Emily though after he was already with Jessica. She didn't know how to process that either. She couldn't even picture why he would. Jessica knew why Emily would, but why him? Was she not enough for him? After all the times he went on about how he hated Emily. Calling her cold and frigid and distant since Hannah and Beth disappeared.

There was no point in being mad about it. 

She felt a whole host of other more complex emotion that she didn't know how to sort out, but anger was not one of them. Mike was gone and Emily was gone. There was no one left for her to be mad at. Unlike Matt she didn't have another weak target to pin her anger and frustration onto. Well except for herself that was.

Who else could she blame? She was the one who had stupidly put herself right in the middle of Emily and Mike. A vicious couple of people known for tearing each other apart when they were getting along. She should have expected no less than the worse to come out of that. In the end it hadn't been worth it and maybe that was her punishment. They got to die and their problems died with them. She didn't get to do that. She had to live with the weight of mistakes all three of them had made.

Jess was sick of her room.

Getting out of bed was a struggle. As was getting into her chair. Her mom had taken a few weeks off of work so Jess wouldn't be alone in the house. She could have called her for help, but she needed to do it on her own. She might have to learn to do stuff like this on her own for the rest of her life. The doctors were hopeful that she would make a full recovery but there was always a chance she wouldn't.

Wheeling herself around her carpet was the hardest part. Once she was out in the hall on the wooden floors the chair moved much more easily. She heard her mother in the living room watching daytime T.V. and so she headed towards the back patio instead. She wasn't in the mood to be bothered. She was thankful for one that their house was only one story. 

She wheeled herself there and locked her chair by the steps at an angle where she could see the garden. Well it had been a garden, many years ago before her mother got too busy to tend to it. It was mostly plants that went unchecked now. It was in the shade of an ash tree and Jess' mom had taught her a trick to getting a full day's worth of sun when the plants spent a half-day in the shade. (Tin-foil in the dirt.)

She couldn't leave the patio without standing out of her chair and walking. She hated to walk. It was so very painful. But she wanted to be actually outside, not just close to outside. She had her phone in case she needed help. So using all her strength Jess stood and headed down the steps into the grass. She had a large backyard where she and Sam always used to play when they were little. The swing set was still set up in the corner even though Jess and her younger sister had outgrown it. Sam could always swing higher than Jess could. Sam could do lots of things better than Jess could. Except it seemed survive.

Jess kept walking around even though her legs begged her to stop. She wanted to make it to the garden. It seemed like it was a mile away, but she moved forward still. Something kept pulling her towards it. She had to make it there. She wasn't sure why but she had to. She wobbled on her feet but kept going.

Distantly she heard the cry of the monster. 

That's why she couldn't stop. It would catch her if she stopped. But where had Matt gone? He had been right in front of her when she started walking. He had left her to die. Because he was punishing her for what happened with Mike and Emily. Not just him killing her, but everything. He was leaving her to her fate because that was what she deserved. He was not going to save her this time. He was going to let her die. But if she made it to the garden it would be okay. If she made it over there then the monster couldn't get her.

It was just a few more steps. It was so close. A few feet at most. 

Her legs shook from her weight and she stumbled back and forth as she walked. But she was almost there. She could make it. She knew that she could make it. If she just kept pushing she could make it and it would all be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

She didn't make it.

She fell to her knees about three quarters of the way there. Once on her knees she fell forward onto her stomach in the grass. It was cold. It wasn't warm enough out yet for there to be warm grass. She had to struggle to catch her breath. She turned her face towards her destination. She almost gave up.

Then she thought of Emily.

Emily never gave up. Emily finished everything all the way through. Emily persevered. Emily pushed herself harder than anyone Jess had ever known. Emily could do anything she put her mind to. And so could Jess.

So Jess crawled on her belly towards the garden. She dug her fingers into the dirt and made her way even more slowly than before to the patch of land on the far side of the lawn. She was going make sure she got there. For Emily. Jess continued to crawl even as her knees began to feel too weak to keep at it and her nice clothes got stained with green streaks. The only thing that mattered was making it there. Wounds healed, clothes could be replaced and she could always sleep later. People were something that once they were gone they didn't come back.

They didn't come back.

They never came back.

Jess' hand reached out to touch the garden's shirt wall. She had gotten there but it had changed nothing. Nothing at all. Mike was still dead, Emily was still dead, Sam was still dead and Josh was still missing. She had made it, but none of them were back. She scooted herself to the edge of the garden. It had been so very pretty back when she was a child.

Jess lifted the weeds and unloved flowers. She ran her hands along the stems and petals. This garden, all it needed was some attention. Someone to take care of it. She could do that. She could water it and weed it and make sure it had sun. She could bring in new plants and chase away pests and give these poor plants the love they needed. She could bring this patch of earth back to life.

And maybe it could do the same for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel proud of Jess. Sorry no Matt this time. He'll be back next chapter. Promise.
> 
> Chris and Ashley might have figured things out... though probably not.


	5. Dungeons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't always need walls to feel trapped, but they don't help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I update quickly. I'm waiting for work to start though and I'm bored... When I'm bored I write so yeah.
> 
> Lots of people are lying in this chapter. Lying and punishing themselves and each other for stuff. It's great. (it's not great)
> 
> Enjoy!

Matt lied to his coach.

He should have gone back to football practice. His doctor said he was mostly healed. He was a strong young man and had recovered nicely in the last few weeks. The doctor said that his body was probably adjusted to injury from his active lifestyle. He had gotten better the quickest out of all of them and was well on his way to being back to his old self (physically anyway). There was no reason he couldn't play.

“I shouldn't be putting the added strain on my shoulder and back.” is what he told the coach that Friday after he saw the doctor.

“So you're out then?” his coach asked back gruffly but Matt knew the man enough to hear the way his voice fell in disappointment, “For the rest of the year?”

“Yeah, sorry coach,” Matt said surprised he could stare the man in his eyes as he told this blatant lie.

“Not sure how practice is going to go without my best running back,” his coach said with a tone as if he could change Matt's mind or the situation by saying that. Still Matt did not budge from his decision. 

“Jones is quick and he's pretty agile,” Matt responded, “He could probably be a good go-to.”

“Well,” the man said with an air of defeat to his words, “Keep in shape in the meantime so we can get you back on the team in time for next season.”

“I'm not sure I'll be able to play football anymore at all, sir,” Matt continued. That was definitely a lie. Even if Matt shouldn't be playing the rest of this year due to his trauma and injuries there was no real reason to think he wasn't fit enough to get back into football the following season. He was still at his top physical shape.

The coach sagged in his seat as if that was the worse news he had gotten in awhile. He ran a tried hand down his face and Matt felt annoyed and angry by that. His girlfriend had been murdered and this man was acting like him losing his running back was the big tragedy here. 'Sorry to inconvenience you with my grief and my suffering.'

“Well, check in with me before try-outs next semester and we'll see if you're well enough to play then,” the coach conceded. Matt gave him a hard nod as he turned to leave the man's office. 

He made his way through the locker room ignoring the laughing and goofing around of all the guys on the team. He had been one of them not a month ago. He had been part of all this banter and tomfoolery. The talks about how he only had to get a high enough grade in such and such class to stay on the team. Bragging about how far they had gone with their girls over the weekend, whether they were girlfriends or just hookups. Hyping themselves up after a great practice or before the next big game with cheers and playful ribbing. Planning parties and celebrations for after they won.

The looked like strangers to him and predictably not one of them stopped him to chat as he made his way through the crowded locker room. It was common knowledge at that point what Matt had been through since the beginning of the year. Everyone here knew that he had lost his girlfriend and several friends in some terrible accident. None of them knew what to say to him. None of them had come to any of the services, but why would they? These people hadn't known Mike or Sam and they had barely known Emily. These people didn't even really know him.

They would never understand.

\---

The only one of the other three Matt spoke to regularly was Ashley. 

Most of their communication was through text but he also went to visit her at her job because he didn't like hanging out on the University campus without Emily around. He wasn't sure he was ever going to be able go back again. Not without thinking about her.

“Hey, Matt,” Ashley said when he entered the store. He smiled and did a quick check to see if her boss was around before he made his way up to the counter.

“Hey, Ash,” he said reaching to hug her over the glass case then whispered, “Is Monica in the back?”

“She just went to back there to do part of costumer's sleeve tattoo so it should be some time before she comes out again,” Ashley assured him, “You wanna check out the rings while we talk.”

“Sure,” he answered. He hadn't come here often enough in the past to be recognized by Ashley's boss as her friend, unlike some other people they knew, Jess included, so he often pretended he was regular costumer here looking through stuff as they talked. He had yet to buy anything. She walked over to the ring case and opened it. He followed on the other side of the counter. She took out a bunch of golden class rings and she picked through them uninterested. She found one in his size and put it on as if he was going to pay it any more attention than he had to in order to be convincing.

“So, what's up?” she asked as he inspected the jewelry on his hand.

“I just wanted to see you,” he said, “I feel like I never get to anymore.”

“Yeah, you aren't ever on campus,” she commented reorganizing the rings in the box on the counter.

“I left,” he told her pulling the ring off and letting her pick out another one for him.

“What do you mean?” she asked as she searched through the jewelry, “Did you drop out?”

“For now, yeah,” he said as she found a second one she liked and put it on his hand. He liked this one a lot more, again not that it mattered as he wasn't going to be buying it.

“You sure that was a good idea?” she asked cautiously. He knew what she meant by it. The University of Southern California where he, Ashley, Emily and Chris had all been going to college since they all graduated high school, only accepted him under a football scholarship. If he didn't keep playing who knew if he'd be able to keep going there. Sam, Mike and Jess had all been going to a local community college while decided where they wanted to transfer to. Josh had done one semester away at Stanford before dropping out and coming back home.

“I can't be there,” he said inspecting the ring, “I just can't think about that stuff right now, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed, “I'm only still in school because if I wasn't I would never see the outside of my house. Or Chris.”

Matt laughed a little, “Does he know yet? About how you're basically in love with him?”

Ashley blushed as she removed the ring from his finger roughly and looked for a different one. She did not answer him, but she was smiling with all her teeth. His heart felt cold as he thought about Emily. About how she would never know how he felt about her. Whatever that was. If he ever figured it out.

“Because you should tell him,” Matt continued on, “You never know what might happen and he should know how you feel about him.”

Ashley was no longer smiling brightly as she picked up another ring for him to try on, “He does know. We... uh... he and I are dating now. Well, best we can with me on lock-down.”

“Is that right?” Matt asked smiling despite himself, “Good. I'm happy for you.”

“Thanks,” she said quickly and she looked very awkward telling him about it. He had a feeling he knew why and grabbed her hand when she finished putting the latest ring on for him. He held onto her tightly as he spoke.

“It's okay, Ash. I don't want you to be alone just because I am. I really am happy for you.”

He held Ashley's hand until she knew that he meant it and was smiling again. Then she sighed softly as he released her, “Jess said the same thing.”

“You see her then?” he asked. He thought about Jessica maybe as much as he did Emily. She sent him a message that she was okay then all conversation between them had come to an abrupt halt. He figured she must be upset with him for yelling at her like he did at the ranger station. She had made no attempt to reach out to him and he hadn't made any to reach out to her either.

“No, but we text and Skype each other a lot. It seems like I'm the only one of us who bothers to try and keep in touch with the rest of you,” she answered. Matt felt a stab of guilt at that, especially because if they were dating then Ashley must have known about the conversation Matt had with Chris on the topic of Mike and Emily. That was the only time Matt had spoken to the other guy since the two funerals.

“Is she doing okay?” he asked her, “I mean I figured she doesn't want to talk to me but even if she did, we didn't really get a chance at either of the funerals I went to. And I wasn't at...”

That was when he finally felt guilty for not going to Mike's service. He had not gone because he was so upset about Emily, but she was dead. Jess was alive and she probably needed all the support she could get with her grief over her boyfriend's death and her many injuries. That had been a pretty selfish move on his part. Not that it mattered because Jessica wasn't interested in talking to him.

To his surprise Ashley sighed out in annoyance, “You know she says the same thing. That you probably don't want to talk to her and if you do it's just to yell at her some more.”

Matt shrugged. That was probably true but so what? Matt couldn't be sure that he wouldn't yell at Jess if and when he saw her. His emotions since everything happened had been... unstable to put it nicely. He was still mad at her for making everything between the four of them so complicated even before the night on the mountain. Mike hadn't given much of a shit that Matt and Emily were dating until he was hooking up with Jess, himself. That might have something to do with guilt over screwing Emily behind both Matt's and Jess' backs, but then he would never know.

“You guys should talk,” Ashley encouraged taking the ring off of his finger and putting it away before she looked for another one. Ashley was telling him that he should talk about his feelings with Jess after bottling up her own for Chris for who knows how long. Matt almost laughed, but scoffed instead.

“About what?” Matt asked, “She's been avoiding me since before everything happened at the ski lodge. Ever since she hooked up with douchebag Munroe.”

Ashley flinched and he realized why a second later. He had just insulted their dead friend as if Ashley hadn't had to watch him die a less than a month ago. As if things were still the way they had been and she would commiserate with him that Mike was indeed a douchebag and Matt had a right to be mad at the guy. Like she had been doing with him ever since he and Emily started dating.

But it was different now. Mike was dead and in Ashley's eyes he had died a hero.

“You know, I think I should go,” Matt said suddenly not giving her the chance to put the newest ring on his hand, “I don't want you to get in trouble at work.”

“Matt...” she sighed as he backed his way out of the store.

“No, it's cool,” he insisted, “Just... we'll text later or something. Say 'hi' to Chris for me, and congrats to both of you, again. You let me know if he doesn't treat you right and I'll take care of him for ya. Okay?”

Matt was out the door before Ashley could say anything else to him.

\---

Ashley was in her first relationship ever and it kind of sucked.

Not the finally being with Chris part of it. That was great. They made a point to have lunch together at school every day. He called her every night and they talked to each other for hours about random things that came to mind. They sent texts to one another throughout the days. A lot of this stuff they had been doing before. It just had the added bonus that now they knew for a fact the other person meant it with romantic affection.

However it was difficult to be in a relationship with anyone when she wasn't allowed to go anywhere without her father's permission first. She had a feeling that he wasn't about to give her a pass to go out places with her new boyfriend either. You know if and when she finally told her father that Chris was her new boyfriend. She hadn't yet because she wasn't sure how he would take the news of her dating. Especially so soon after everything that had happened.

“Dad!” she called as she walked passed his room, “I'm throwing a load in the laundry, okay?”

“Are you out of clothes?” he called back. No one in their house was allowed to do laundry otherwise. The water and the electric cost them too much. So she had to be out of things to wear before she could clean anything, even then she sometimes wore her clothes twice before she bothered washing them on the months her father complained about the bills.

“I'm out of some clothes,” she called at his closed bedroom door, trying to stress her point and hoping he would pick up on the implication.

“If you have clothes, don't do laundry,” he answered. He did not pick up on the hint.

“I kind of have to,” she called again, “I lost a bunch of my stuff when... Look point is I'm out of certain things to wear.”

“Like what?” he asked annoyed. Ashley rolled her eyes.

“Girl things,” she sighed loudly, “You know like bras and under-”

“Okay, I got it,” he interrupted, “Just make it a small load.”

“Thank you,” she said heading to the bathroom with her laundry basket. She had lost a bunch of things she really liked in the explosion. Including her favorite bowl. (It was shaped like a certain part of the human anatomy and it looked dirty when you used it), five of her bras and six pairs of her socks and her underwear (because you're always supposed to pack extra of those things), her most comfy sleeping shirt and shorts (actually were those hers? she might have taken them from Chris or Josh or Matt), and no less than four books (To Kill a Mocking Bird, Good Omens, The Outsiders, and her Math textbook).

She wasn't too upset by it because losing all of those material things didn't come close to how she felt about losing her actual friends. She was one of the lucky ones. She got out of there with her life which was more than she could say for the others. But it was a bit of a bummer. It was also easier to think on that than the actual death she had faced. Losing your stuff was concrete and real and all those things, while she loved them, were replaceable.

She was loading their tiny combo washing and drying machine when her phone went off in her pocket. She had a guess who it was before she answered it and that made her both happy and sad. She would never again get a text from Sam about a poetry reading downtown that they should check out together. Or from Emily about being bored and wanting company from someone who wouldn't expect too much out of her. Or one from Josh while he wandered around late at night that said, 'let's get fucked up, Ash.'

She shoved her delicates into the machine haphazardly and poured in what was probably way too much soap for the size of the load then she started it. She pulled her phone out and just as she thought she had a text from Chris.

Chris: Less than 3

Ashley: What?

Chris: It means I love you. 

Chris: <3 See?

Ashley giggled and shook her head. His jokes were so lame. She sat on the sink in the bathroom as she texted him back. 

Ashley: Less than 3 to you too then.

Chris: What are you doing?

Ashley: I am immersed in the thrilling world of clothes washing. How about you?

There was a long pause. That was unusual. He didn't normally take so long to get back to her. He was one of those people that texted back right away. He hated it when people ignored texts especially when they were just having a conversation with the person that texted them. She hoped down from her place and headed towards her room still waiting for him to respond.

Chris: Drinking... in my bathroom.

Oh. That was no good. Chris had been a pretty heavy drinker back in their high school days. He finally quit after Hannah and Beth went missing. For the better. He and Josh had had a serious problem with alcohol in Ashley's opinion. She tried to respond to him but he sent her another text before she could.

Chris: I keep thinking about Emily.

Oh no. Then Chris sent her a bunch of texts all in a row.

Chris: She never really liked me, you know.

Chris: And we kind of killed her, didn't we?

Chris: We didn't have to let Mike shoot her.

Chris: She might have been okay.

Ashley didn't know how to respond to that. Because Emily would have been okay. Ashley knew for an absolute fact that she would have been. She had just chosen not to tell any of them. Chris and Sam had been so upset after Mike shot Emily. Ashley couldn't tell them it had been for nothing. She couldn't tell them they had let Mike kill Emily for no good reason. So she didn't say anything.

And she hadn't said anything about it since either. Not to Jess or to Matt or to...

Her phone was still going off in her hand.

Chris: You should come over.

Chris: I'm really lonely here.

Chris: And I miss you.

Even if it was coming from a sad, not-entirely-sober place it was sweet of him. She knew he meant it. He wasn't drunk enough to mess up his texting but was apparently drunk enough that he had forgotten she wasn't allowed out of the house. Still Ashley made her way over to her father's room because she didn't want to be alone any more than he did. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts about Emily and what might have been. If she was with Chris than it would be okay. Chris made everything better.

“Dad,” she called into his room again. She heard him shuffling around. He was probably cleaning up.

“What is it, honey?” he called back, “Something wrong with the washer?”

“No,” she answered then breathed in deep, “Can I go see one of my friends a little later tonight?”

His door opened and he appeared with the dishes he had used for his dinner in his hands. The three of them hadn't eaten dinner as a family in a long time. He closed the door as headed towards the kitchen. 

“Which friend?” he asked as she followed after him.

“Chris,” she said slowly as her father put the items in the sink.

Her father sighed, “Why don't you go read or something if you're bored? I'd rather you didn't leave the house right now.”

“Dad please,” she begged, “He's really upset and we could both use the company. He's my best friend and I'm worried about him.”

“I know,” he said as he turned on the water to clean up the dishes, “But I would feel more comfortable if you stayed here where I know you're safe. Besides you have laundry to finish and classes tomorrow.”

Her father didn't say anything else as he washed the dishes. Knowing it was already a lost battle she did not fight him anymore on it. He was focused very hard on his task of cleaning the dishes. Too hard.

“You have to let me leave at some point, you know?” she said, “I can't stay inside forever.”

“I know that,” he replied with a sigh.

“I don't deserve to be punished. I didn't do anything wrong,” she continued, even though she had done a lot wrong that night on the mountain.

“I'm not punishing you,” he explained calmly working on the dishes in the sink, “I... I just... I... I can't... I can't think about how I almost lost you right now. I just can't. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you. Like we lost her... Okay?”

It wasn't okay, but Ashley understood. She had turning five when her mother died, but she remembered how much it had hurt them all. How bad it had been for her dad. Still this wasn't fair to her. He couldn't keep her caged up because of what happened to her mother. Not sure what else to do she wrapped her arms around him in a hug so he knew that she was still here and safe.

“You can't keep me here forever trying to make sure nothing happens to me.”

He hugged her back tightly, “I know I can't, ladybug, but I just give me some time. Can you do that for your old man? Give him a little time before he has to let you go again.”

Ashley wanted to say 'no.' She wanted to say she had a right to live her life. She had fought hard to stay alive up until this point. What was the point if she wasn't allowed to make use of that? What had Mike and Sam sacrificed themselves for otherwise? For her to be locked up and denied her right to freedom? She nodded against her father's shoulder instead, because whether she got to live her life the way she wanted or not, at least she was alive.

There was not many people who went up to Blackwood Pines Mountain who could say that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you Matt would come back in this chapter. I am going to try not to keep anybody gone for more than a chapter or two. Though for story reasons that might not always be the case. 
> 
> A lot of this is still set up. Like everything with Matt and Jess. And Ashley a relationship built on lies is bound to fail...


	6. Heros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you save some else when you can't even save yourself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Chris are trying to be good guys. I let you decide if they're succeeding or not...
> 
> Enjoy.

Matt had been raised a catholic. In fact he knew Ashley because they had both went to Saint Patrick's School for Catholic Youths when they were children. Until she had been taken out and sent to public school when they were eleven. Only for them to be reunited four years later in high school.

That being the case he didn't really believe in the religion. He had never really been forced to confront the idea though. Even when Hannah and Beth went missing, he had simply said with practiced ease, 'they're in a better place now' and 'it's all in God's plan.' That was what you said whenever people died. You told yourself and their families that there was a reason. That there was a plan behind it all. It made them all feel better. Or it was supposed to anyway.

Nothing could make him feel better about what happened on that mountain top

That's why he started to go to Church a lot more often to pray. He couldn't talk to anyone else about it. Whether something greater than him existed out there or not it was the only thing he could tell his sins to and feel like they understood. Matt had faced something unlike anything he could have ever even imagined in his life. Monsters were real, were all evil things real? Hell and the devil and demons? Were the stories he had heard on Sundays since he was a child all real as well? Had he and his friends been being punished for what they did the year before to Hannah? Under the will of God?

Matt was a good person. He never cheated in school or in sports. He did what his parents asked of him. He tried to be a good role model to his little sister. He was always trying to help people out. He never had any issue doing things for people. He was a good and honest friend. He got no joy from hurting other people. He was often trying to keep the peace between Jess and Emily. He was the first to tell his friends when they were going too far. There was only one time he hadn't.

Because jealousy was a powerful emotion.

There was a time when Matt would've done anything to get Jess to look at him the way she looked at Mike Munroe. The way all the girls looked at Mike Munroe. To get Jess to notice him. Notice him the way he had noticed her when they met at their school's first big pep rally. She had been a cheerleader back then, but she didn't stick with the sport for long after saying she preferred the gymnastics team. Matt would've done anything in the world for her. To see her bubbly personality shine through all her beautiful features and hear the girlish giddiness in her laugh.

That was the problem.

Because the prank had been Jess' idea. She justified it with all this talk of how it was wrong to move in on your girl's boyfriend. How they were getting Hannah back for trying to back stab Emily like some nasty home wrecker. But Matt had seen the truth in her eyes, even then. Matt had seen that Jess had her own agenda in doing this. If anyone was taking Mike Munroe away from Emily it was going to be Jess. Hannah needed to understand her place in this little game. That place being none at all.

She wanted a video of it so she could have it. So she could wave it in front of Hannah if the girl forgot her role. So she wouldn't dare step out of line again. She had approached Matt and Ashley as they were playing with Ashley's new camera and demanded he record it once she explained her idea for the prank. She had touched his arm and giggled in his ear knowing it could convince him of whatever she wanted.

Still he almost said, 'no.'

Until Ashley spoke up, “If we record it then Hannah can see it later. She'll see why it was funny.”

Ashley was stoned out of her mind so the idea that Matt took her advice in that instant was ridiculous. She wasn't in her right mind and in the moment she probably genuinely thought Hannah would find it funny when she saw it. It gave him a reason to agree to Jess' request. Ashley had given him an out.

He could still hear Hannah's betrayed voice. She had expected it from the rest of them. But as soon as she saw him there with the camera she had looked right at him and in a voice full of disbelief had said his name alone among all the ones she could have said.

“Matt?”

He never saw her again.

He and Hannah had been friends. Though he met her through Beth, Matt would easily say Hannah was his closest friend among the Washingtons. They got each other in a way the others didn't. Beth and Josh were always so cynical. Not Hannah. She, much like Matt, saw the sliver lining. They also had Jess and Mike in common.

“You should move on from him, Hannah,” Matt said the night he took her to their homecoming dance, “You deserve way better than a playboy like Mike.”

“I could say the same thing to you,” Hannah said with a giggle as they danced and Hannah's pure eyes stayed on Mike in the corner with a gaggle of girls all around him, “Too shy to ask Jess to the dance so you ended up here with me.”

“That's not true, Hannah,” Matt assured her, “I wanted to bring you to homecoming with me. I'm happy that you're my date tonight.”

Hannah sighed and in a rare moment of seriousness said, “I know that. I appreciate at it Matt, but I also know you'd be much happier dancing with our homecoming queen right now.”

Then Matt said maybe the craziest thing he's ever said in his young life, “Things would be a lot better for both of us if we just dated each other.”

Hannah had laughed. Hard and loud. He had only been being half-serious, but it still hurt. A lot. He still thought about that sometimes. Maybe he should have kissed her in that moment. Maybe he should have told her he meant what he said. Maybe all those months later the two of them would have been together and happy and their pining for Jess and Mike respectively wouldn't have blown up in their faces and caused her and her sister to go missing for months.

That had been his fault.

Matt made his way over to the confession box as soon as the women who had been in there came out and headed out of the church. He had a lot that he needed to confess. He carried a lot of troubles along with him. At least the priests didn't call him insane. Though they also didn't understand that Matt was being quite literal when he talked about the monster he had been forced to confront that night.

The monster that had probably killed Hannah and Beth.

\---

Matt got the group message as soon as he stepped back out into the daylight.

Recipients: Christopher H., Mathew T., Ashley B., Jessica R.,  
Bob Washington: They found Josh's body the other night. We thought you should know. We're having his service this Saturday. Linda and I would appreciate your attendance.

There it was. The last Washington child was dead. Matt hadn't really known Josh. He did things with him as a group because they always invited him along for 'guy time' but he was never close with any of his guy friends. Not Chris, not Mike and honestly least of all Josh.

He met the Washingtons through Beth and spent the majority of his time afterward with her or Hannah. He had been invited to girls night out a few times due to his close relationship with all the ladies in his group of friends. The other three were probably taking this a lot worse than he was. They had all been close to Josh in their own ways. Especially...

He stared at Jess' name on his phone screen as he sat down on the church steps. She hadn't given up the hope of finding him alive. At least the last he knew she hadn't given up. He overheard her still using the phrase missing and not dead when referring to Josh at the funerals they attended. He could imagine she was still waiting to hear news that he had made it out. She had loved Josh. Not in that way. Not the way she had loved Mike. But she had loved him. Enough to give him her virginity and in turn take his.

He pressed her name in his contact list without thinking about it. The phone was ringing in his hand an instant later. He panicked and almost hung up not sure what could have possessed him to do something like that. He hadn't spoken to her in weeks. He held the phone up to his ear and waited. One ring. Two. Three rings and then four.

“Hello?” she sounded like she had been crying, but it was her alright.

Matt had no idea what to say to her now that he had her on the phone. How are you doing? Sorry about what happened? Did you hear about Josh? Hey? Nothing seemed quite adequate. She was crying on her end of the line. She was waiting for him to say something to her. She knew it was him. She must have.

“Matt?”

She sounded like Hannah in that moment. She reminded him of Hannah in that moment. Sad and alone and hurt and calling out to him in disbelief. He had made them that way. They were like that because of what he did to them. It was so painful. Nothing he said could make this any better for Jessica. Because she had loved Josh. Because she had loved Mike. Because she had never loved him. He knew from his experience with Emily that he made a poor substitute. He shouldn't even bother trying to be one for her.

Matt hung up the phone without saying anything to her.

\---

Chris had come down to Josh's basement lounge for the solitude. He couldn't stand all the whispers and murmurs from people who didn't really know his best friend. He couldn't stand to hear one more person lament on what a good young man he had been when Josh had been an absolute asshole in the best way anyone could be. He couldn't look at Bob as he tried to greet and shake hands with people and thank them for coming to the service. He hadn't shaken Chris' hand. He was one of the few guest the Washingtons had reached out to hug. It had made him stand out in the crowd and that made him feel really awkward.

It was the only funeral that was decidedly completely unlike the deceased. Sam's had been natural and peaceful. A quiet simple affair that felt intimate. Emily's had been stylish and costly. A perfect representation of the woman herself in its size and elegance. Mike's had been friendly and comfortable. It was full of laughter as people remembered him as the charmer he always was in life. Each of them a refection on the person.

Except this one.

Josh's was stiff and formal and small. This wouldn't be the way Josh would want to go out. He'd want a party in the streets. He'd want everyone to dress in their favorite colors and get drunk off their asses in his memory. He'd demand loud music and strippers. He'd want a celebration big enough to rival that of Mardi Gras. 'And Chris, my dude, if you haven't married the chick by then you are duty bound to make your move on Ash. I don't care if you've each hooked with different people and have six kids at that point. It's my dying fucking wish.'

“Well, at least that part came true,” Chris said as if Josh could hear him, “Me and Ash I mean.”

Ashley must have heard her ears ringing because she came down the stairs not a minute after he said it. She took a glance around the room, full of memories of the three of them, before she made her way to Josh's record player. She turned it on and soon jazz music filled the room around them. Then Ashley sat down hard with him on the couch.

“There,” she said, “Now it feels like Josh's space.”

Chris smiled and nodded. Josh had loved his vintage record player. He was one of those guys. The ones that insisted music sounded better in vinyl. He scoffed at Chris and his phone that could hold a hundred times as many songs as one of his records. 'Yeah, man but that digital stuff sounds like shit.'

“What's that?” she asked pointing to his hand.

“Josh's stash,” he answered holding the bag up. He lifted up the almost empty bottle in his other hand, “I found a bottle of booze under the chair as well. I'm not sure how old it is, but it's pretty warm.”

“That doesn't surprise me,” she said taking the bag from him, “Bet he has porn down here too.”

Chris laughed a little hollowly, “Wanna look around for it?”

“I'd rather not expose myself to whatever nasty stuff that guy was into,” Ashley laughed back.

“Can't blame you there,” Chris answered with a bit of a smile.

“Wanna get high?” he offered pointing at the bag, “You know for Josh.”

“Sure, why not?” she answered as she dumped all the stuff out onto the coffee table, “It's just gonna go to waste otherwise.”

It wasn't a good idea. He was already a little drunk as he had neglected to tell her this empty bottle was half full when he found it. He watched Ashley roll a couple of joints for the two of them. She lit them together in her mouth with a match then passed one over to him. That was pretty fucking hot.

“To Josh,” Chris said downing the rest of the alcohol before putting the joint in his mouth.

“To Josh,” she agreed with a look on her face that told him she knew he had been drinking before she joined him. She didn't comment on it though. She didn't like to tell other people how to live their lives. Even if she disagreed, she wouldn't tell him he couldn't get drunk if he wanted to. For awhile they just sat there getting high and trying not to think about why they were here at the Washington mansion for the first time in months. 

Chris didn't want to think about the fact that Josh's body had been put into the ground earlier that day. His best friend was dead and he didn't feel much like thinking at the moment. He's not sure how long they had been down there because he was stoned and drunk out of his right mind, but at some point he reached over and ran his hand through her hair.

“I miss you,” he sighed. He only saw her at school and that was only for a quick lunch and sometimes briefly between classes. She pressed her cheek into his palm with a sympathetic smile. Chris leaned in and kissed her gently.

"Chris..." she breathed in a way that made his whole body pay attention. He covered her mouth with his again and they kissed slowly a few more times. He was never really alone with her. He never got the opportunity to explore her mouth with his tongue and run his fingers over her face and neck.

“I wish you would tell him about us,” Chris said right up against his girlfriend's mouth as he pulled away from her reluctantly, “I told my mom and she took it okay.”

“You know why I can't do that,” Ashley whispered leaning foward like she wanted to continue kissing him, “He's having a hard enough time letting me go to school and work. You think he's going to let me out to see my boyfriend?”

Chris pulled her body right up against his and reconnected their mouths in a deep sensual kiss. They didn't get that many chances to do this kind of thing. So even though it wasn't even remotely an appropriate time or place for making out Chris wanted to take advantage of this little time he had with Ashley. 

“I don't like not being able to see you whenever I want.” 

“Me either, but there isn't much we can do about it right now.”

“We could get married.”

Ashley almost slammed herself against the other side of the couch she pulled away from him so hard. She was looking at him as if she had never seen him before in her life. Her eyes were wide and terrified. Maybe this had been the wrong moment to bring the idea up.

“Chris,” she nearly yelled, “We can't get married. We're only eighteen!”

“I'm actually nineteen,” he corrected calmly.

“Okay well,” Ashley sputtered standing up from the couch and walking away from him. This is when he started to doubt his suggestion. He thought she would have been thrilled by it. She was the one who had said she didn't any more of their time together to be wasted. What were theyou doing if not wasting time?

“We haven't even had out first date yet,” Ashley continued, “We haven't been together for much more than a month. We can't get married. We can't!”

“Why not?” Chris asked using his crutches to get himself onto his feet and wobbling ftom his injury or from being intoxicated or both. Because she wasn't saying that she didn't want to. She was saying that they couldn't. Those were two very different things.

“Because!” she did yell that time then she calmed down before she said, “We can't just get married so we can see each other more often. That's ridiculous!”

“Can we get married because we're in love and want to see each other more often?” he asked her.

“Chris...” she sighed covering her eyes with her hands and breathing deeply a few times. He pried them off her and made her look at him as best he could.

“Can we get married beecause life is short, Ashley?” he continued, “Look how many of our friends we've already lost. I can't stand thinking about all the things I wish I had said to Josh. I can't stand thinking about how I should have told you how I felt years ago. I don't need to be with you for ten years or two or even one to know that I want to spend my life with you.”

Ashley sighed pulling her hands out of his iron grip.

"I understand that Josh dying is hard on you and you've been drinking,” she pushed sounding like she was trying to stay calm, “But you can't just ask me to marry you because you're upset about all the stuff that's happened to us. It isn't fair to me.”

“That's not why I'm asking you.”

“Yes it is, Chris," she bit back some of her anger finally slipping through, "This isn't a real proposal. You don't even have-”

Chris stopped her by hurriedly, clumsily pulling a ring box out from his inside jacket pocket. He opened it to show her the engagement ring he had been carrying around with him for the last week. It was a family ring. It had been his grandmother's. His mother had kept it in her jewelry box and had explicitly told Chris she was saving it for when he wanted to get married. Though she didn't know he had taken it yet.

“You have an engagement ring,” Ashley gasped. Chris nodded. She looked from him to the ring a few times and swallowed hard, “You're serious.”

“I do and I am.”

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” Ashley began to chant one hand pressed to her chest and looking unsure what to do with the other, “I... I don't... I don't know what to say.”

Chris stood there awkwardly for some time before he struggled to try and kneel on the ground saying, “Would it help if I got down on one knee?”

“Don't,” Ashley scolded pulling him back to standing up, “Don't do that.”

“Okay,” he said straightening out. She sighed out a few times looking from him to the ring to all around the room shaking her head softly. She finally pressed her free hand to her forehead. She looked upset and surprised and confused and a whole bunch if other things that were not joy. His head felt light from both what was happening and from drinking and smoking as much as he did. He probably only had enough nerve to do this because he wasn't the least bit sober at the moment. Finally Ashley shrugged dramatically after what felt like hours.

“Yes,” she said in a tone that sounded more like acceptance than happiness.

“Yes?” Chris asked not sure he heard her right. 

"Yes," Ashley repeated as if she couldn't believe she was saying it herself. 

“You'll marry me?” Chris asked for claification.

“I'll marry you.” 

She sounded happier about it that time around. As if to prove her point she removed the rings on her left hand and presented it to him. He pulled the ring from the box and slipped it onto her ring finger. She grabbed the sides of his head and peppered his face with tiny kisses in celebration. She span the ring around to hide the gems before they headed upstairs. They would tell people in time.

Chris had to fight to keep the smile off his face during the rest of the wake because he and Ashley were officially engaged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd say not myself. Man up Matt and Chris, no. Just... no...
> 
> Jess will be back next chapter.


	7. Bewitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good or bad some thoughts are just too mesmerizing to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Ashley both deal with some complicated feelings. Hopefully things go better for them then they did for the guys but I have my doubts.
> 
> Enjoy.

“You want to what, dear?” her mother asked her as if she hadn't heard Jess' big announcement at dinner the day after Josh's funeral. If there had been any doubt about what she wanted before then it was gone.

“I want to start gardening,” Jess repeated, “I was thinking I could fix up the plot we have outside.”

Her parents shared a look that neither Jess nor her younger sister, Becky, missed. Neither of them was too terribly subtle. Jess sat there eating the dinner her parents had made together. Their family used to all cook together. They should go back to doing it again. Jessica missed that time spent with her family. Becky looked between Jess and their parents content to see where this would go. She, much like Jess, had a pretty vested interest in other people's business.

“That's a lot to take on,” her mother finally said picking at her food. “Gardens need daily attention and you need a lot of commitment to keeping them healthy.”

“I know,” Jess answered, “But I figured it would also give me something to do while I get better.”

Her parents shared another look. She understood their line of thought. Their oldest child had never been the outdoorsy type. She also hated to get dirty and gardening wasn't exactly clean labor. She needed the permission of her parents before she could start though. Someone had to buy her the plants and seeds as well as get the old tools out of the garage for her to use. She wasn't going to be able to do any of that in her current condition.

“Jess, how are you even going to get out there every day?” her father asked as a way to convince her to give up on the idea. Her parents had never had much faith in her abilities. They thought she was joking when she first told them she'd been accepted into Madison Academy, the best private school in the area, and wanted to go there with her friends instead of public school. True she had needed help from Emily to get in but she was accepted nonetheless. 

“The stairs aren't that steep,” Jess argued back, “My chair could even make it down if we put a plank of wood over them. And I can walk if not.”

Not really, but she wasn't going to say that. She had been lucky that it was her sister who found her in the backyard and brought her chair out to her the other day. If either of her parents had seen that Jess had fallen down from walking the length of the lawn they would not have been happy. She'd be locked away the way Ashley was. Maybe worse.

“I'd get exercise and fresh air every day as well,” Jess continued, “That has to be good for my recovery, doesn’t it?”

He mother made the face she makes whenever Jess or her sister had a good point. She caved in seeing how important this was to her daughter. Then with a small shrug she said to her husband next to her at the family table, “Darren, it might be nice if she had something to keep herself occupied during the day. And I'm not going to be going back to work for some time still so I can help her get everything started. Honestly, she can't keep laying about in her room with nothing to do all day.”

Jess smiled but dropped it quickly in favor of batting her eyes when her father looked over at her and sighed a deeply fatherly sigh. Becky was giving her a strange look, but she ignored it.

“I guess if it means that much to you then we'll see what we can do, alright?” he said firmly, “But I'm not making any promises.”

“Thanks, dad. Thanks, mom,” Jess said cheerfully as she continued her meal. She felt genuinely happy for the first time in awhile. They finished their meal discussing Becky's day at school, her father's day at work, what errands her mother had been able to finish and what Jessica had done that day. She hadn't done anything but nobody wanted to leave her out. It was nice to be with her family. It felt normal.

\---

“You're weird,” Jess heard Becky say as she came into the living room and sat down on couch with her. She had presumably finished with clean-up as was always their job after dinner. Jess had been excused from it recently though due to her condition.

“What do you mean?” Jess asked turning away from whatever dance competition show she had been watching before she was joined by her sister.

“Mom and dad would give you anything right now,” Becky clarified, “You don't even have to do any of your chores. You could ask them for whatever you wanted and they feel so terrible that they would get it for you. And you ask to start a garden?”

Jess rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance, “It's what I want.”

“If I were you,” Becky continued, “I'd ask for a credit card so I could get new clothes or a flat screen T.V. for my room or something. Not some stupid garden that I would have to put work into every day. Why would you want that?”

Jess tried to think of the words that would explain it to her sister. The two of them looked almost like they were twins. If Becky wasn't five years younger than Jess then they could easily pass for a pair. Because much like Jess had at her age, Becky matured quickly. She was way more developed then the other girls her age.

Jess had been very excited when her mother said she was having another baby. She and Sam used to do all kinds of fun things with the baby. They would dress her and style the little amount of hair she had on her head and take her on walks around the neighborhood to show her off. They begged her mom to let them feed the baby at lunch time. They took turns holding her and rocking her to try and get her to fall asleep for nap time. They took her out to the lawn and tried to teach her how to walk together when she was finally old enough. Sam was much better with her than Jess, because she was more maternal. But the baby still took an immediate shine to her big sister.

Becky had always wanted to be just like Jess. She followed her around the house and copied her style. She would take Jess' clothes and beg her older sister to put her make-up on her and do her hair nice like Jess' was. She would listen to Jess talk with rapt attention about this boy and that boy. She would hang out by the door whenever Jess and Emily did private teenage girl things in Jess' room together. It made Jess happy to have someone look up to her. To be so completely adored and admired for doing nothing but be herself. The two of them were always on the same wavelength. 

Except for at the moment.

Her sister was dressed to the nines even though it hadn't been a special day at school. Her blonde hair and her make-up were done. Jess looked down at herself wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt with a pair a fuzzy slippers. They didn't even match. She hadn't bothered doing her hair or make-up at all in the last few days. She dressed nice when she went to the funeral services but that was about it. There had been no point to it any other time.

There was Becky not understanding why Jess wanted to bring life into the world. Thinking Jess was just trying to score free stuff from their parents because they felt guilty about what had happened to her. Jess knew why she wanted a garden. She needed to feel like she was doing something. She needed to feel like if she wasn't going to leave the house or go to school that her life was still worth something to the world. She need to put her time to good use.

Her sister wouldn't understand that.

“I didn't want to blow it all at once,” Jess ended up saying to the stranger she had grown up with, “If I ask for something big right at the start I might not be able to cash in for something I really want later.”

“Oh,” Becky chimed up happily, “I think I get that.”

Then they both went back to watching the show and her sister laughed whenever someone embarrassed themselves badly. Jess watched her laugh and text her friends on the commercials. She was the image of what Jess had been not so long ago. It was hard to believe Jess had looked like this at the beginning of the year. This girl looked so happy and carefree. She looked like she had never faced a rough day in her life. She looked like how Jess wished she could look.

It wasn't fair. She was just as cruel and had made just as many mistakes as her older sister. But she had been the one who lucked out and got to live life without the grief and the guilt. Jess was green and sick with deep envy from the thought of it.

Jessica kind of hated her little sister.

\---

Josh seemed to visit Ashley every night in her head after his funeral. She didn't like the things he had to say to her. She didn't like the way he judged her and mocked her in death. It was different than the way he had done so in life. Sleep had become an impossibility for her. Luckily the same seemed to hold true for Chris.

Guilt and nightmares kept them both awake tossing and turning in bed. They ended up messaging each other to keep themselves entertained while they waited for the sun to rise so they could get ready for their classes. With their households quiet there wasn't much they could do in the early morning hours.

Chris: I feel a little stir crazy stuck in this house all the time.

Ashley: Oh don't you dare.

Chris: Sorry. 

Chris: I just mean I finally got my cast off today and it was so late when I did that I had to come right home after. I want to go out somewhere and do something.

That was when the idea struck her. Chris had his own car. It was a piece of shit old pickup truck but it was his. Their families were both asleep and they were wide awake. They would be back before anyone woke up. It wasn't like they hadn't sneaked out of the house before.

Ashley: So let's do it!

Chris: What?

Ashley: Come drive over to my place and pick me up. We'll go down to the beach or something for a little while. We'll be back before out parents wake up.

There was a pause where she thought he was considering the idea and then...

Chris: Heading out now. Text you when I get there!

Ashley hoped out of bed as quickly but also as quietly as she could manage. She didn't want to ruin this by waking anybody in her house up. It was difficult to keep her excitement all bottled up inside though. She was going to see her boyfriend after all.

'No', she thought turning the ring around on her hand so she could see the stones in the band, two rubies and a diamond, 'My fiance.'

The thought put a giddy feeling in her heart as she pulled off her pajamas pants and t-shirt and tried to find something cuter to put on instead. When he had suggested they get married she thought he was out of it from drinking and smoking as much as he had and was upset about Josh. She didn't know what to make of the proposal. The idea of getting married this young to someone she had only started seeing seemed crazy. He couldn't have been serious. But he had been. He wanted to marry her and the more she thought about it the more she realized she wanted to marry him too. What was the point in waiting when they both knew that was what they wanted? Why pretend that wasn't the end goal here?

She pulled on a pair of shorts over her fishnet stockings and then added a form fitting t-shirt. She didn't have time to do her hair so she pulled on one of many beanies she owned and a pair of fingerless gloves that matched. She had just gotten her boots on when Chris texted her again.

Chris: I'm outside.

Ashley: See you in two seconds.

\---

They drove up to the mountains, which made Ashley regret her choice in clothing. It was colder there than it was down in the city. She didn't want to admit that she was cold, but Chris could tell. It's a good thing he always wore way more layers than he ever needed.

“Here take my top jacket,” he said taking it off and handing it to her after he had laid his blanket out along the bed of his truck, “I'll be good without it.”

“Such the gentle,” Ashley sighed shrugging it on before she climbed up in the bed after him. He had the blanket in his car for the purpose of laying it back here and smoking but she didn't feel in the mood for that tonight. She just wanted to be with him. She lay down next to him and cuddled up against his side. Together they looked up at the stars. He held her close. She felt safe. Chris had wide shoulders and very long arms. They had done this before as well, but it had always been awkward. Full of guessing if the other person was feeling the same things they were feeling. Full of this awkward tension and 'what if's'. This time it was just them enjoying the presence one another. It was romantic.

“Do you remember how we met?” Ashley asked him suddenly.

“Of course I do,” Chris laughed, “It isn't that hard to remember. We were science partners.”

Ashley shook her head, “No, I mean how we really met. Like how we became such good friends with one another.”

“What do you mean?” he asked into her hair. His breath tickled.

“Like when did we become best friends?” she asked back into his chest, “When did that happen? I don't remember when it happened...”

“I'm not sure there was a specific moment that it happened, Ash,” he said said with a laugh underlying his words, “I think it was a gradual thing. We spent a lot of our time together after you started hanging around the Washingtons' place to get high.”

Ashley flushed a little. Josh had invited her to a party at his place and she ended up getting high in the basement with him and Chris. A few other people wandered in for a hit throughout the night, including Emily and Beth, but mostly it was just the three of them. She started buying from him because his stuff was good and her old dealer still went to her previous school. Josh said he liked her mind and her sense of humor so he invited her to smoke with him weekly. Soon enough they were friends. And with Josh came Chris. Her admittedly cute science partner who barely spoke to her outside of class.

“He's a good guy,” Josh had said once when they were getting high, just him and her, “He's kept me in line all these years.”

“He's alright,” she answered with a shrug then added with a smile, “He is funny.”

Josh had looked at her like she was a fascinating anomaly, “You think Chris is funny? Like genuinely?”

“Yeah, in a cute 50's dad kind of way,” she answered before blowing a smoke ring into the air. She was the only one of the three of them who could do it. Josh always tried and failed. He shook his head and took another hit.

“Man, you must really want his dick.” Josh had said it with no shame and no subtly. Which is why she was sure when he invited her to their little group's pool party that weekend his goal was to hook her up with his friend. It hadn't worked in the way Josh had hoped it would, but Chris and Ashley had started hanging out more just the two of them afterward. They became actual friends.

All because Josh invited her to his family's beginning of the year house party. Who knew if either of them would have had the nerve to talk to each other outside of class otherwise. Ashley would have never made friends with any of them if not for Josh inviting her to that party. Well, maybe Matt seeing as they knew each other before then, but not Chris or Sam or Jess. She had her entire social group to thank Josh for.

“Did you ask Josh to invite me to his party?” she asked Chris leaning up to look at him. It wasn't the first time the idea had occurred to her. In fact Natasha had suggested exactly that while Chris was on his way to pick her up and bring her to said party. 

“Which party?” he asked not phased by her jump in logic. He was used to the way her mind hopped from idea to idea at this point.

“The first one I ever went to at his place when we all met my first year,” she clarified, “Josh asked me to come to his party and you threw up on my shoes.”

She later found out that the two boys had been drinking in the bathroom during their study hall hour and had gone a little too far with it. The large amounts of alcohol combined with Josh embarrassing him in front of his classmate had made Chris lose his lunch. Not that he had eaten much. If he had he may not have barfed on her brand new converse sneakers.

The Chris next to her in the truck bed blushed and smiled, “No, I didn't ask him to invite you. He took it upon himself because, and I quote, 'If I let you try and ask her out yourself, then you'll dance around it until we graduate.'”

Ashley laughed at that because despite that being the case she and Chris still danced around the topic until after graduation and into college. She lay herself back on top of him then held her ring high over their heads so they could both see it. It sparkled nicer than all the stars in the sky.

“He'd be happy we finally got around to it,” she commented before bringing it down to admire it closer.

“Yeah, he would,” Chris sighed out, hugging her tightly and kissed her forehead a few times before he moved to kissing her mouth. He tangled her hair in his fingers.

“And I'm happy about this,” she said between kisses.

“Yeah, me too,” he breathed before silencing her with his mouth again.

They hadn't quite worked out all the details yet, but she and Chris were getting married after the end of the semester. They decided to tell people once they had everything else worked out first. They had both already been looking into apartments they could rent together and Chris looked into getting a job at the campus I.T. department as well as some other places around town. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was going to be so worth it.

Ashley couldn't wait to have this feeling every night when she went to bed. To get to lie down next to him every night and wake up to him every morning. To feel him by her whenever she needed him and she needed him a lot. She felt like nothing bad could happen to her when she was with Chris. He had made sure nothing bad happened to her and she had made it out of that nightmare alive. She was alive, all thanks to Chris.

With the monsters gone for the moment at least Ashley closed her eyes and settled comfortably next to the man she loved. She didn't mean to fall asleep. She guessed that neither did Chris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Ashley you're so happy... that should last, right?
> 
> Yay Jess came back finally!!


	8. Villegers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're just trying to live mundane lives...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Jess and a little bit of Matt. Matt and Jess will be taking center stage for a little while and Chris and Ashley are going to take a back seat.
> 
> I don't have a beta and even if I did I write too fast for them to keep up with me anyway.
> 
> Enjoy!

“What do you mean you quit your studies?” his father's voice boomed across the living room. He was not a mean man. He was not an unreasonable man. Matt had been raised by a loving kind generous dad who rarely yelled at his children. His family firmly believed that you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. They extended that belief to their family members.

But when his father did yell it was something to hear. That's why he had waited until they were alone.

“Get in the car,” his father continued standing up from the couch and marching passed where Matt was standing on the other side of the room.

“Dad...” Matt tried to say turning after him.

“No,” his father interrupted, “We are going to the university right now and you're telling them that you made a mistake and you're re-registering for all of your classes.”

“I can't do that,” Matt said quietly.

“Yes you can,” his father insisted, “You've been through a lot I'm sure the school will understand that you weren't in your right mind and let you back in class.”

“No, they won't,” Matt added, “Because I quit when I first got back over a month ago.”

Jacob Taylor looked like he was about to faint as he pressed his hand to his head and paced across the floor. He was taking deep breaths to stay calm and Matt felt bad. He knew this was how his father was going to react to the news though. That's why he hadn't told him he quit school when he first did it. His father would have done exactly as he did this time and drove him there to re-register in his classes. He couldn't tell him until after it was too late already to do that.

“Well, if you haven't been going to school everyday, where have you been going?” his father demanded stopping right in front of his son.

“Different places,” Matt answered with a shrug. He went to church, he went to the park for early jogs, he went to the YMCA around the block that his whole family had a membership with to lift weights and to swim in the pool, he drove passed his old high school a few times, and he had visited Emily's grave once every single week since her funeral. Thinking that reminded him. He hadn't been there yet this week. He should go while it was on his mind.

“What does that mean?” his father asked with a sigh leaning against the wall. “Where are you going all day everyday if not to school?”

“It's really not important, dad,” Matt said, “I just thought you should know I wasn't going anymore.”

Matt made to walk away but his father reached out and stopped him by grabbing his shoulder. He was looking into Matt's eyes sadly. Matt wanted to leave. He needed to leave. To the cemetery. He wanted to see Emily. 

“Why won't you tell me where you're really going? Why wouldn't you tell me you didn't want to be in school anymore?” he asked, “Why are you suddenly keeping things from me? This isn't like you.”

“Because it wasn't important,” Matt said and his father hushed him.

“Of course it's important,” he said, “You are my son and that makes it important.”

“Really dad, it's not,” Matt insisted, he wanted to leave. He wanted to visit Emily while it was still on his mind. “But I think if I'm not going to be in school I should work, don't you agree? So I'm not just bumming around doing nothing?”

His father sighed. He was upset. He was angry. He wanted to argue. The last he wanted to do was let his son leave. But Matt also knew that was exactly how his father felt. That those were going to be the next words out of his father's mouth. Matt may not have been very smart, but he knew people. He got people well.

“You are to only go out to fill out applications and then come right back home,” his father said pointing towards the door, “You're grounded for the rest of the week for not telling me you were taking time off from school. Do you understand?”

“Yes, dad,” Matt said as he finally managing to move passed him.

“Good, go,” he said, “Hurry back.”

Matt barely heard him as he raced out of the door.

\---

Emily Davis March 18, 1996 – February 2, 2015. A daughter, a sister and a friend to some but remembered by many more.

It was her birthday last week. The large bouquet of blue roses he had bought for her were still here by her gravestone blooming and thriving. She would have been nineteen. Matt honestly wasn't even sure why he came here so much.

He didn't do much while he was here. He didn't even talk to her. Despite what he was meant to believe he didn't think she would hear him and even if she did he had too many things to say to know where he should start. Emily was usually the one who did most of the talking in their relationship. Matt liked it that way. It was hard to fuck up if he just did what she said and tried not to think too much on his own. He should have known that might lead to her never taking what he had to say into account though when making decisions. He could have done so much better by her. He wished he knew what he should say to her. He also wasn't sure he could say anything to her until he knew if he loved her or not.

His counselor and his family and his priests all said the same things. He needed to make peace. He had to let her go. He had to grieve her and move on. No one was rushing him, but everyone could see that his process was stalled. He wasn't moving forward. He wasn't going through the steps in any order let alone the correct one. No matter how hard Matt tried he couldn't make himself move passed Emily and he wanted to believe it was because she had meant so much to him.

That wasn't completely true though. It was something else. Something was wrong.

He had drilled both Chris and Ashley, the only living witnesses, enough already. There was no more he could gain from asking either of them. He had heard all the details from Chris then again from Ashley and then he compared them and they matched. There was no reason for Matt to suspect in that moment anything had been going on other than fear. Mike hadn't seemed to be acting out any other feelings he had for his ex-girlfriend. Ashley said he was upset after he had done it and he apologized before he had done it too. Whatever was amiss here was not with her actual death.

Still he knew something was off.

Matt had never been very smart, but his gut instinct was good. His judgments were usually correct and he trusted them. He had thought for a hot minute that he might be able to get something going with Ash when they first met up again until he saw the way she looked at Chris and his gut told him that she was shooting for the blonde already. He knew from the second Jess introduced him to Mike the guy was a huge asshole and decided avoiding him was for the best. He had been right on that front as he caused far more trouble than he was worth. He knew from the moment Beth first mentioned her sister that he and she were going to get along great. He just knew that they would be good friends before he had even laid eyes on Hannah and he had been right.

Matt knew people. Matt knew Emily and there was something not right about all of this. There was also only one other person still alive who might know what that something was.

\---

Gardening was hard.

She tried not to let it show on her face as she and her mother yanked the few plants up from the ground that couldn't be saved. She wanted to leave as many of the plants that were in the garden already there. Her hands hurt from pulling up roots and yanking out weeds, but she kept on working forcing a smile.

“You picked just the right time to get started on this,” her mother commented as they pulled out weeds and turned over the soil with their small tools to make it soft again, “It's getting to be just the end of the winter so if you start planting soon you'll probably have plants growing halfway through the summer.”

“Yeah?” Jess said turning her smile towards her mom. She had wheeled her chair out here and though grass wasn't the easiest surface to move it on it was better than walking. Although the doctors had given her a pair of crutches to help her start walking more regularly. They were hopeful about her making a full recovery. Jess wished she could have that same kind of outlook.

“Does that mean later on this week we can go to the market and I can pick out what I want to add in?” Jess asked looking across the plot at her mother. Her mother smile back at her in a way that looked so much like her own smile. But before she could answer they heard the distant sound of their doorbell ringing through the house. The both looked towards the sound and the older woman stood up with an ease that Jess was envious of. She walked along the garden edge to stand by her daughter's side.

“I wonder who that could be in the middle of the day?” she asked aloud not expecting an answer from her child as she turned her eyes down onto her, “Will you be okay while I go get the door, darling?”

“Of course mom,” Jess sighed trying not to sound annoyed. Her mother was too worried. What could happen to her in their own backyard? She felt a weight on her head as her mother placed the hat she had been wearing on her head.

“I don't know how long I'll be and you should be protected from the sun,” she said. Jessica didn't like to wear hats, but she smiled and nodded as her mother left her to her work. She listened to her mom's feet as her steps walked up the stairs and into the house. She worked a little bit slower once she knew her mom couldn't see her. No need to let her know how weak she was. The soil was cold. Everything was still cold. Nothing had been warmed by the seasons yet, but Jess knew there would be a day where she reached into this dirt and it would be warm. She was living for that day. The day her work payed off and her plants glowed with life. She couldn't wait to have something to show for all the pain this was already putting in her hands.

She didn't expect her mother to return so soon.

“Jess, you have a visitor,” she called. That made Jess pay attention quickly. She had had a lot of visitors when she first got home. All of them old classmates and friends from school. She made it clear to them pretty fast that she had no desire for their company and most of them were uncomfortable being there anyway so it was better if they didn't come. Ashley stopped by very rarely. They talked enough online to make up for that, but still she didn't just drop by. She always called or texted first in case Jess was at the doctor's office.

She felt her heart race suddenly because she didn't want to admit who she was hoping it was. Hope had gotten her into a lot of trouble recently. She couldn't think it might be him here to see her. Even if it was what she wanted. He had no reason to come and see her other than to spew more hate at her. Still she wanted to see her friend. She missed him so much.

Jess would deny that she was disappointed when she turned around and was met by the sight of Chris striding across the lawn with her mother. She would admit to being surprised though.

“Hey, Jess,” Chris said when they reached her, his smile big and goofy as always.

“Hey, Chris,” Jess replied looking up at him bending her neck back to do so. He was so tall. Mike had been tall too. Taller in fact than Chris was, but for some reason it always seemed like he wasn't. Like he wasn't as tall as their dorky friend. Probably because Mike was built more solid and evenly than Chris' disproportionate frame.

“Well I'll leave you two to your business then,” he mother said as she headed back inside, “I'm sure you don't want your mom hovering over you and your friend while you talk.”

They were silent as her mother made her way back into the house. Chris did sit down in the grass after a moment or two, probably realizing that looking up at him was putting a strain on her neck. It seemed weird that Chris was here at her place for the first time in months.

“Chris, I don't want to sound rude, but why are you here?” she asked. As if she wasn't surprised enough Chris laughed when she said this. It was a loud booming noise that reminded her of Mike's laughter in how deep and full it was. For someone so unlike her late boyfriend, Chris was reminding Jess an awful lot of him.

“Would it shock you if I said that I just missed you?” he asked back with a shrug, “You're as smooth as gravel you know that?”

“Same to you,” she said. She felt a weird feeling in her chest at the idea that Chris had missed her and wanted to see her. She liked that he was here. Even if she wasn't sure what they could ever have to talk about with each other. His presence was brotherly and nice.

“You garden now?” Chris asked, “That doesn't seem like you?”

Jess shrugged, “It's just something I wanted to start doing. Thought it might be nice.”

“Do you need any help?” he asked leaning forward as if to dig into the dirt with her.

“No,” she answered. Honestly the best part of him coming over was that he mother had gone inside and she could now work alone at her own pace. She wanted to do as much of this herself as she could with no help.

“Flowers or food?” Chris continued to question. Jess smiled at him. This was more comfortable than she would expect it to be. It was good to have him here. She never felt like she had friends anymore.

“Both,” she said then when he gave her a quizzical look she explained, “If you plant certain flowers with certain vegetables they grow better. You have to be careful that the flowers don't steal the sunlight from the other plants though.”

“You sure know a lot about this stuff?” Chris said sounding surprised. Jess' smile faltered a little at that. She and her sister used to come out here with their mom and she tried to teach them how to garden, but both of them had been bored by it. She had retained some of the knowledge, but she hadn't put it to use. That was what she always did though. She had brains she just didn't ever use them. Boys didn't seem to like girls that were too smart. Most boys didn't seem to anyway. She supposed boys like Chris probably liked smart girls. He liked Ashley after all.

“I heard about you and Ashley. Congratulations,” Jess said off-handily feeling more like she should talk to him about than actually wanting to. She saw Chris' eyes widen a little and he blushed a deep red.

“She uh,” he coughed clearly embarrassed, “She told you about us.”

“Yeah, of course,” she laughed at the face he was making, “Why wouldn't she? You know girls, we talk about that stuff. She was really excited.”

Chris smiled in a way that was a little smug and Jess resisted her urge to throw a shovel full of dirt in his face. She smiled at him instead. He watched her garden for a little longer while he chatted on about his school and other things she didn't care much about. It was mostly good though.

\--- 

Matt called her like he hadn't avoided her for the last two months.

Jess was happy to be back in her room and away from people so she could stare at the ceiling and sulk in peace. Her bed felt stiffer today than it usually did, but that was probably because she was in a bad mood and wanted to be upset. 

Jess had lied right to Ashley when the girl told her she and Chris were together. 'Oh, that's great. I'm so happy for you, Ash! What? No. It's fine. Just because I lost Mike doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy.' And the red head was so over the moon she hadn't noticed Jessica was bullshitting her. Honestly Chris wasn't even that cute or funny and considering he had never dated anyone before Jess seriously doubted his skills in the bedroom. She had never understood what Ashley saw in him. He was nice enough but who got all hot and bothered over nice? Ashley tried to explain it once and had left Jess more confused.

It wasn't that she wasn't happy for them or didn't want them to be together it was just well... Fuck them! What right did they have to have one another when Jess had lost everything important to her that night? Why did they deserve to be happy and not her? Why did Ashley deserve love when Jess didn't have it?

She was just getting to the good part of her pity party when she heard her phone go off on the other side of her room. She has a special tone set up for each of her close friends when they called her. She could tell it was Matt from the ring alone. She didn't need to see his name and his face flash across the screen. She didn't need to pick up the phone. It was him that was calling her.

She thought about not answering because the last time he did this he hung up without saying anything. She ended up using her new crutches to wobble her way to her desk where her phone was charging and she pulled it from the plug to answer it. She was far less nice this time around.

“What do you want, Matt?” she barked into the phone, “If you want to talk to me then just talk, if you want to yell at me then just yell, but stop calling me so you can hang up like a child.”

There was a long pause on his end of the line. She was about to hang up herself when finally he said something to her after weeks of silence.

“We need to talk about Emily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you thought Jess' visitor was Matt. No they are going to talk finally, but that doesn't mean things will get resolved.
> 
> This is someone else's headcanon name for Emily but it was really similar to mine and I liked it better so I used it.
> 
> Also I have been dying to have Jess and Chris interact. Because the fun of this story is I get to do a few combinations people normally don't do.


	9. Howls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past calls to you no matter how far you run away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a bit (Well for me that is), but here we are.
> 
> Jess and Matt are meeting face to face at last. Also Chris dealing with the consequences of his decisions.
> 
> Enjoy.

Jess' mother drove her out to the library at the end of that week because Jess insisted she wanted to pick up some books to read when she wasn't out in the garden.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” her mother asked as she pulled up to the doors. Jess was busy pulling her crutches out of the backseat. She was trying to make herself walk more even though it was hard for her. She wouldn't get better otherwise.

“No, I'd like some time to myself if that's alright with you, mom,” Jess said as she opened her door and tried her best to balance herself on her crutches. “I'll call you when I'm done if you want to come pick me up.”

Her mother looked like she wanted to protest, but she knew Jess needed some independence in her life, especially now that she was stuck in the house almost constantly. So she smile through the window as her daughter shut the door and said, “Alright, but please don't be here too long. I don't want you to put too much strain on your body.”

“Got it,” she answered turning around and making her way towards the entrance. She listened for the sound of her mother's car finally pulling away before she let her body sag. She couldn't let her mother see how weak this made her. She would have insisted on staying if she saw. Jess needed to be here on her own. This was about her and Matt.

And apparently Emily.

She had picked this place because of that. She didn't feel comfortable having him over at her place after everything that had happened between them and she couldn't go to his place for the same reason as well as her injuries. He lived pretty far from her. So they had agreed to meet up somewhere in the middle of their homes instead. Somewhere that was neutral ground for both of them. Jess had chosen a place they had each gone to often with Emily: the closest public library. She could be such a nerd.

Jess made her way up the ramp and through the doors of the large building. Her crutches made a slight clicking noise as they hit the titled floor. She headed for the front desk and she hadn't even quite made it there when she saw him sitting on an entry way bench waiting for her. He was watching her struggle on her crutches and looked like he wanted to offer her help but knew better than to try it. She made a show of how hard doing this was for her as she headed over to him and hoped he felt guilty. He should feel guilty. After the way he had treated her, she wanted him to feel bad.

Jess stood over Matt for a few seconds and waited for him to stand up and greet her. When he finally did he looked like a different person than he had before. More serious and burdened and much less soft. He looked like he didn't sleep and she could tell he was losing weight in a bad way. His muscles were still as defined as ever but something about him seemed weaker. He looked like standing was equally as hard for him as it was for her, though for different reason. Even his smile was less warm and more stiff and even a bit broken.

Jessica had always liked Matthew. With the exception of Emily she would claim him as her best friend. She also knew that Matt always wanted more than that from her, but he never pushed it. He was content to love her from afar and she liked that a lot more than she should have. Jess liked being admired.

“You look like you're doing better,” Matt said as a form of greeting.

“I still feel like shit,” Jess answered wondering where this mirth of hers came from. Matt laughed, but not too loud for a library. His voice was full of friendly affection and gentle deepness. It was a hum she had missed hearing. He laughed like no one else could. He was one of a kind; her Matthew Taylor.

Emily's Mathew Taylor. Not hers. Never hers. Not really. Emily was the reason he had called her.

“We should find a table to sit at then,” Matt said gesturing further into the library. Jess nodded and let him lead her to a table inside the actual library and out of the entry way. He walked slow so they could stay in step with one another and he smiled more like himself while looking at the floor. Things were far too comfortable with them. It should have been more awkward, but maybe they both were saving it for the next part which they knew would be much worse. The two hadn't talked about Emily or really anything since she and Matt got together.

\---

“I can't believe you're telling me I have to choose between you and Emily!”

“That isn't what I'm saying.”

“Sure sounds like what you're saying.”

“I'm saying she's a grade A bitch lately and if you keep on dating her eventually she isn't going to let us hang out anymore. She's become paranoid since she and Mike broke up.”

“You mean since Mike cheated on her and then dumped her right before their anniversary.”

“You don't know that's what happened. That's just what Emily says happened.”

“Why would Emily lie about that?”

“I'm not saying she lied. I just think she may be exaggerating what happened is all. You know how she can get sometimes.”

“Why do you have such a problem with me dating Emily?”

“I don't.”

“Except that you do.”

“She's going to get clingy and she's going to get jealous and we won't be able to see each other.”

“She's jealous or you are.”

“Shut up! Don't pin it on me that your new girlfriend thinks everybody is fucking her man. It's not my fault she's so controlling. It's not my fault you're dating the craziest girl on the face of the earth. It's not my fault you can't breath without Emily's permission first.”

“You know I knew you liked that prick but I thought you were better than to let him get in your fucking head like this, Jess. Mike's a goddamn liar and you shouldn't listen to anything he says. He screwed her over and he'll screw you over too.”

“I don't know what you're talking about, but if you're going to yell at me then I don't want to hang out with you anyway.”

“Well I don't want to see you either if you're just going to tell me what to do.”

“Why? Is Emily the only one who's allowed to do that?”

“I'm leaving. Call me when you grow up.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

\---

Jess let Matt pull a chair out for her to sit down and she leaned her crutches against the table. She took a few deep breaths to gather up her energy. Matt sat across from her and slouched in his chair. He was much more attractive when he acted proper, but that probably wouldn't be appropriate to say. Jess liked having the support from the chair on her back.

“So should we pretend to care about what the other person has been up to,” Jess started as blunt as ever, “Or should we just dive right into this?”

“I care about what you've been up to, Jess,” Matt said with a sigh, “I care about how you've been.”

“Well it hasn't been much,” Jess assured him, “Not compared to your schedule anyway. I'm sure school and practice keeps you busy. It always used to.”

“I'm not in school,” he said almost with a laugh, “Or going to practice. I've been... wandering I guess.”

Jess felt a weird sort of connection with him in that moment. She talked with Ashley a lot and of course Chris had come to visit her which all and all had been nice. But there was a disconnect with them like they had experienced a different night than she had. She guessed in a way they had. They went through a different nightmare than the two of them. In one way she had been right the first time. 

She and Matt were the only two who survived. At least in a sense.

“Why did you want to talk about Emily?” Jess asked much more kindly leaning over the table towards her companion. Matt ran a hand down his face before he shook his head.

“Something feels weird to me,” Matt said leaning forward himself, “I feel like there's something I don't know that I should. I feel like there's something that she didn't tell me before she died. Something that she might have told Mike. I'm not sure it has anything to do with him shooting her. It probably doesn't, but I can't shake the feeling that there's something I missed.”

Jess understood that. Matt was an instincts over intelligence kind of guy. She wanted to write off his feelings as grief. She wanted to say he just felt bad about her death and was looking for closure where there wasn't any to be found. But as soon as he said it a weird feeling formed in her own gut. She knew that he was right, somehow she knew. Besides that didn't sound like Matt.

“So why tell me?” Jess asked, “Ashley and Chris were both there when it happened, not me.”

“But they didn't know Emily and Mike the way we did. They wouldn't understand.”

No, they wouldn't.

“So what do you say?” he asked, “Do you want to help me find out if there's any truth to me crazy gut feeling or not? You're the only one who really can.”

“Fine, I'll help you,” Jess sighed, “But I'm still mad at you.”

“I didn't say I wasn't still mad at you.” Matt's eyes went suddenly cold. The air around them grew tense and awkward as the reality that Matt had not forgiven her seeped in.

Okay this was more like what Jess had expected.

\---

Chris had very few people he could spend his free time with these days. It was a big factor in why he had gone to see Jessica. That and they fact that Ashley was always going on about how lonely the other girl seemed when they talked. It had been nice to visit someone for once. Maybe he would try seeing Matt sometime soon too. Still most of the time, when he wasn't job hunting or at school, he was stuck inside the house. It was spring break though and Ashley hadn't told her father this was the case either, which meant he could see her this week if he wished to while her dad was at work.

“Why are you in such a rush?” Chris' mother asked as he was heading out of their kitchen after shoving a handful of grapes in his mouth from the fridge. She and his step-father were both sitting at the dining room table. It was rare that every member of their blended family was home at the same time (with the exception of his step-brother who had thankfully moved out at this point.) His little brother Nick was in the living room putting together a toy model of some kind. He looked much like and acted much like Chris had when he was a child except he wasn't as talkative or as tall. The man that his mother married was much shorter than anyone in their family was which Chris always found weird. It was strange to be by far the tallest person in his home.

“I was going to pick Ashley up and bring her over,” Chris answered his face turning hot just saying it, “We're off from school this week so we were going to hang out for the day.”

“Oh,” his mother answered in a tone he couldn't read.

“Is that okay?” Chris continued nervously not looking at his mother or step-father and rubbing the back of his head, “I've never had to ask before but I mean is it different now that she and I are-”

“Oh no,” his mother answered quickly cutting him off, “It's... it's fine.”

Chris shifted awkwardly on his feet. Ashley and him almost lived at each others' houses over the last year so it never even occurred to him that he might have to ask to have her over. He didn't really get why things would be different. Anything they were doing together, they could have been doing before. They just weren't. In fact Chris had been dating her for a few weeks before he finally told his mother.

“Actually that reminds me,” his mother said standing up and making her way over to him, “Could you ask Ashley when Richard has off at least for the night? Perhaps see if he's free any time this week?”

“Uh... Why?” Chris asked leaning on the archway out of the kitchen. His parents knew Richard Brown, just like his parents knew Bob and Melinda Washington. It would be hard not to know the parents of his closest friends with all the time they spent together. That didn't mean they were friends of any kind. Melinda and his mom used to get along fairly well before Hannah and Beth died as Claire Sullivan was one of the few parents that liked Josh, but she had never liked Ashley's dad. No one liked Ashley's dad.

“Christopher,” she started slowly looking back at her husband for support who nodded encouragingly to her before she faced her son again to continue talking, “I think it would be a good idea for Ashley and her father to come over here and have dinner with us. We should talk about what this new situation means for everyone involved.”

“It's not that big of a deal,” Chris replied wanting nothing less than to have dinner with his parents and Ashley's father, “We're just dating.”

“Yes, I know that, honey,” his mother said slowly, “And normally I would trust your judgment, but the circumstances around the two of you getting together were complicated. I'm worried about what that might mean for your relationship. So I think that we should talk things over with Richard and Ashley.”

“Mom, there's nothing to worry about,” Chris tried again hoping to convince his mother. She sighed.

“Christopher, I know you took your grandmother's ring,” his mother announced loudly.

“Ww- uh- what?” he stuttered fumbling in the doorway.

“I thought I might have lost it at first or it might have been stolen but I found the box in your suit jacket when I took it to the dry cleaners,” she explained in a haste, “So I know you have it.”

“I really don't,” Chris replied. It wasn't a lie. He didn't have the ring because he had given it to Ashley.

“I'm afraid this relationship might be getting too serious far too quickly,” his mother continued as if he hadn't said anything, “I don't know what you're thinking, but whatever it is I want to try and understand because I'm your mother and I love you. I don't want you or Ashley to get hurt and this is scaring me.”

“Everything will be fine,” Chris said feeling exhausted and realizing he couldn't lie his way out of this, “I'm an adult. I have my reasons for taking grandma's ring. I know what I'm doing, okay?”

“Oh my god,” his mother suddenly gasped, “She's pregnant isn't she? Isn't she? I really thought I had taught you better than that.”

“No,” Chris almost yelled, “Ashley's not... just no, mom.”

“Are you sure?” she asked as if testing if he was lying to her about it, “Because you need to remember to be careful if you're going to have sex. And you have been being careful, right?”

“We haven't even... we aren't...,” Chris sputtered knowing he was blushing, he didn't know what to say. He couldn’t' believe his mother was asking him about... He wished his step-father wasn't in the room. The less people here for this conversation, the better. “I'm sure.”

At this point maybe Chris should have just told his mother that he had asked Ashley to marry him, but he was so embarrassed about their previous exchange and afraid it would only make her get more upset with him. She knew he had taken his grandmother's ring, but she sounded like she was afraid he might use it rather than afraid he had already used it. Chris didn't have the energy for this. He shook his head as he backed out of the room.

“You know on second thought,” he said as he backed away, “I think Ashley and I are just going to go for a drive for the day. Maybe hang out at the park or something. Maybe catch a movie. Don't uh don't wait up too late for me, okay?”

“Honey...” his mother started following him towards the front door.

“It's cool,” he said walking outside, “I'll be sure to ask her about her dad's work schedule this week and next so we can set something up.”

His mother looked worried and sad as he shut the door and headed out to his truck. It was the dirtiest and oldest car in their driveway. It seemed no matter how hard he cleaned the thing it stayed dirty, but he didn't clean it that much. It was a waste because it just got messy again. Maybe it wouldn't if Ashley didn't convince him to take it off-roading as often as she did. That girl had a strange power over him. She could persuade him to do whatever she wanted. Like drive himself over to her house and pick her up without her dad knowing she was sneaking out to meet him. It wasn't like they were going to go out to get day drunk or fool around in his car or anything like that though.

Her dad didn't even know they were together and so Chris somehow had to either talk her into getting him to come to dinner with his family or talk his mom out of the idea. How mad would her father get when he found out how long they had been seeing each other? Would his mom keep being weird about him seeing her if he didn't bring them over? Which of these was worse? He needed to talk to someone.

He was halfway to Ashley's place when he pulled his phone out and hit his second button speed dial out of habit. The phone rang once and then a familiar voice answered:

“Look if you're hearing this I'm either blacked out from partying or I hate you and didn't answer when I saw your stupid name on my phone. Whichever it is just say 'hello' to my little friend.”

There was a beep. Chris slammed on his breaks bringing his truck to a halt in the middle of the street. That was Josh's voice mail message. He had called Josh's to ask him for his advice on the issue. He did it completely unconsciously. He wanted to talk to someone about Ashley and his brain had immediately jumped to Josh. Josh who was buried six feet underground and wouldn't ever give Chris advice on anything again. Chris hung up his phone and tossed it into the passenger seat before he started driving once more.

On second thought if she was up for it maybe Chris and Ashley would get day drunk today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The secret here about Emily might not be what you think it is (Hint: it has nothing to do with Ashley though that will come back.)
> 
> Chris might be in trouble. Stupid boy.


	10. Mirror, mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask for something you don't really want to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hannah's Game does not mean this story is going anywhere. I have too many plans for it.
> 
> Also first chapter entirely in one character's Point of View and it's Jess. Yay!
> 
> Enjoy.

It was a little hard to believe she was currently riding in Matt's car.

After everything they had gone through over the last two months, no the last year, she was riding in Matt's car like it was just yesterday that they were best friends. Like everything was the same again. When nothing may ever feel like how it used to. When she wasn't sure if she and Matt could be friends.

It was to say the least a little weird. What was even weirder about it was that they were heading to the Davis' place together.

“Well if you want to know what Emily was thinking before she died, the best place to start would be in her journal,” Jess had told Matt as they left the library so Jess could meet her mother.

“Emily keeps a journal?” he'd asked in shock. Unsurprisingly Emily didn't seem the type, but she was not big on talking about her feelings so often she wrote them down to work through them. Jess was one of the only few who knew that. Beth had known as well. Jess also didn't bother to correct Matt that Em had KEPT a journal not keeps one as she was dead.

“Yeah it's in her room,” Jess had answered as Matt held the door open for her, “I'm not sure either of her parents even know she has it.”

“Do you think they've cleaned out her room yet?” Matt had asked as they waited for her mother to pull up in the family car. Jess shook her head no.

“I doubt it,” she had told him, “Her parents are both pretty emotionally stalled. They probably haven't even looked at it since she died.”

So two days later she and Matt were going to the Davis' place to search through her room in hopes of finding her journal. Honestly Jess wasn't even sure why she was helping him. He had done nothing for her except blame her for Emily's death. Maybe she felt like she owed him. He did save her life.

“Why are you listening to the classical station?” Jess asked after a few minutes of driving in silence. Matt looked over at her before turning back to the road and saying nothing. After a moment it dawned on her. He may not have liked classical music, but Emily did. She and Beth had been in band together. She was the last person to sit in this seat. The last person to touch Matt's radio and he hadn't had the heart since to change it. Maybe he felt closer to her when he listened to this station.

Jess felt a weird coldness spread through her as she processed the fact that she was sitting where Emily had sat not long before her death. It still smelled vaguely like her, but then maybe Jess was just imaging that part. She missed Emily.

Sad to say, but Jess missed Emily more than she did anyone. More than Sam whom she had known for much longer. More than Josh whom she had had sex with and shared secrets with. More even than Mike whom she had the most cause to miss. More than all of them she missed Emily. She would let them all stay gone if she could just have Emily back.

She didn't even care how much of a bad person that made her.

\---

Emily's family home looked larger than it ever had before. She came from wealth, greater wealth than all of them save the Washingtons, so it had always been big and fancy. But it had been so long since Jess had been there. She must have forgotten how big it was. She remembered a time when she knew this place as well as her own home. Everything inside could be different now. She had no way of really knowing until she was inside.

Matt for all his claims of being angry with her helped her up to the front door. Even just that pushed her limits a bit too much. She wasn't brave enough to ring the doorbell so Matt did it. Then they waited on the other side. Her father should be home at least. He worked from the home office a lot.

Sure enough when the door opened, Mr. Davis was before them. He looked surprise to see them both standing there. More Jess than Matt. Though the man had probably assumed he would never see these kids again. What reason did he have to? They were his daughter's friends. Seeing them was probably just reminding him that Emily was gone. His oldest daughter would never come home. His eyes looked dark and baggy. He hadn't been sleeping any better then they had. Still he pushed on a polite face.

“Matt, Jessica,” he greeted, “It's nice to see you. A surprise, but a nice one. What can I do for you?”

His voice sounded strained. He didn't mean what he said. He wanted them to leave. Emily often said her parents were experts at social games. He knew he couldn't just throw the kids off his property for no reason. He knew how that would look. If there was one thing the Davis family was all about it was appearances.

“I'm so sorry to disturb you, Mr. Davis,” Jess began there was no point in asking how he was. He was terrible. His daughter had just died, “But Matt thinks he left something of his in Em's room before... well before. We were wondering if we could look around for it.”

Matt gave a firm nod. He wasn't about to lie to Emily's father. He had told her as much in the car. That she would have to do the talking because he couldn't do it. He was having a hard enough time facing the man by the way he shifted from foot to foot. Besides her crutches got her sympathy from people. People had a hard time saying no to her before she was so disabled, it was basically impossible to refuse her now.

“Oh,” the man said with a deep sigh and he looked for a moment like he would cry, “I see. Well I do appreciate you giving us some time before you asked. It's been a hard couple of weeks though I'm sure I don't have to tell you two that. I know how much Emily meant to you both.”

Jess felt awful for doing this when he said that. She hadn't spoken to Emily in weeks before her death. Yet here was her father talking like they were still best friends when it happened. Comparing her pain to his when Jess had no right to be part of that comparison. Jessica's boyfriend had murdered this man's first born child and in some way that had been her fault.

“Well I don't want to keep you kids here all day,” he said moving aside, “Please come in.”

Matt let Jess wobble her way in first before he followed after her. Jess listened to Mr. Davis close the door behind them.

The house was no different than the last time she had been there months before. That bothered her. She felt like everything should be different. All the furniture should be tossed out because Emily had used it and all the pictures should be packed away if Emily was in them. How could this place be the same with Jess' best friend gone? How could everything in here look like it did the last time they had hung out watching bad movies and doing their nails? How could they let so much of Emily linger here?

Matt helped her up the stairs. They didn't need directions to Emily's bedroom, but her father followed after them anyway. They would have to do something about him. Matt was the one to open the door. Once more he showed all the bravery that she lacked. The door swung open quickly and there before them was Emily's room.

It was large with a white fuzzy carpet and a huge canopy bed. She had a beautiful matching vanity, writing desk and wide dresser. Her flute and it's stand were set up in the corner ready for the owner to come home and play it. Her closet was open and she had so many clothes. Her Spinx cat came out of nowhere as they went to walk in and sprinted into the room. She was looking for Emily. Jess almost cried like a baby at that. Emily loved Athena. She had more pictures of that cat on her phone than she had of Mike when they were dating.

Jess sat herself at Emily's desk and reached down to pick up Athena. The cat liked Jess. She stroked the small animal while Matt looked around the room pretending to be searching for “his stuff” while he was actually trying to figure out where Emily would have kept her journal. All the good spots were far too hidden and it would look weird for Matt to start looking through Emily's sheets, vanity and dresser. Jess scanned the desk, but also had no luck. Emily's father stood in the doorway sadly looking around her room. She coughed loudly.

“Mr. Davis,” she asked through her coughing, “Could you maybe get me some water? I'd go myself but...”

He suddenly turned his eyes on her as if he almost forgot she and Matt were there. “Yes, yes of course, Jess dear.”

With a heavy sigh and one last glance around his daughter's room the man turned to go get Jess water. She and Matt listened for his footsteps for a few moments and then once they were sure he was gone they got to work. 

Jess felt bad dropping Athena who had probably gotten no love since Emily's death but she needed to properly search the desk. She pulled open the drawers and searched through them checking for false bottoms and things taped to the top. Matt for his part started tearing through Emily's dresser as neatly as he could. It was the largest thing in the room so they needed the most time to search it.

“Anything?” Jess asked when she finished with the desk and made her way clumsily to the vanity. She checked behind the mirror and underneath before she opened the lone drawer and found only make-up.

“Nope,” Matt answered as he moved to checking the dresser itself rather than the drawers. “Oh wait, there's something stored back here.”

From behind it Matt pulled out a small purple book with a lock on the front of it. That was it. That was Emily's journal. He had found it.

“Yes, Matt, that's it,” Jess exclaimed getting back into the desk chair and reaching for it. He handed it over to her. Jess began to examine the lock, but before she could get very far they heard the footsteps of Emily's father returning. That was fast. They'd have to take the journal with them. Jess stuck the book under her shirt and then tucked it into her pants so it wouldn't fall out. Matt went back to pretending to search Emily's nightstands. He was more clever than people thought as Jess saw him slip off his class ring to place next to her bed.

“Here you are, dear,” Mr. Davis said as he entered the room and handed Jess a glass of water. She took it with a smile and even though she wasn't really thirsty she drank a large portion of it. The older man turned his attention to Matt. “Any luck?”

“Yeah,” Matt said standing up and holding out his ring. “I just found it. Thanks Mr. Davis, it cost a lot. My parents would have been really mad if I lost it.”

Jess finished her drink as Matt put his ring back on. Then she wobbled to her feet again. She nodded at Matt and he nodded back.

“So we'll get out of your hair then,” Jess said heading for the door, “I'm sure you have work that needs to get done. Thanks again Mr. Davis.”

“You're welcome,” he said as if caught off guard by how quickly the two were heading out of the door and back down the stairs. “It was no trouble, kids.”

Matt helped Jess down the stairs more so she could keep one arm around the book in her shirt than for her actual safety. They made it to the front door without hassle and left before Mr. Davis could catch up with them. They both gave him a friendly wave as he shut the door and they climbed into Matt's car.

\---

Once they were driving again and far away from the Davis house Jess pulled the book from her shirt to look at it. It was definitely Emily's journal. She had seen it enough times to be sure on that fact. If she died with any secrets they would be in there.

“So you think that's going to help us out?” Matt asked. Jess nodded.

“It's the best shot we have,” she answered. Jess went back to examining the book. The lock needed a four digit code, but rather than numbers the lock was sorted with letters. That meant there were twenty-six options for all four places. Jess wasn't very good at math, but even she could guess that was a lot of combinations to try. But of course Emily would guard her secrets so tightly. Chris or Ashley might have been able to figure it out, but she didn't want to involve them. At least not yet.

Jess sighed and Matt looked over at her, “What's up?”

“This lock is like impossible,” Jess told him, “There's no way I'm going to be able to figure it out.”

“That's alright,” Matt assured her, “We'll work on it together. I'm sure if we both use our heads then we can solve it.”

Jess sighed. She looked at the book in her hand. Four letters. Well, there was no harm in trying the two obvious answers first. Jess slid the first slot over until it landed on the 'M.' She glanced over at Matt wondering which of their names she should try first. She wanted to have faith in Emily so she left the second slot on the 'A' before she moved the other two until they were 'T's.' Once the lock read 'Matt' she pulled at it in hopes of it opening.

It did not budge even a little.

With a heavy heart, Jess clicked the second letter over to the 'I' before she replaced the two 'T's' with a 'K' and an 'E.' Now the lock read 'Mike.' Jess pulled at the lock again split between her desire for it to release for her and for it to stay sealed shut. 

Again the lock did not move.

She felt a little relived at that. She isn't sure how Matt would have taken it if the name of Emily's ex had been the code to opening her journal. She isn't sure how she would have taken it, either. She had a guess at both. That being not well.

“What are you doing over there?” he asked sneaking a look at her.

“The lock, it's a four letter word not a number. I tried yours and Mike's names to open it,” she answered because if she didn't tell him than he would only want to try it himself, “And don't give me crap for it because I know you wold have done it too.”

“Neither of them worked?” Matt asked with a tone she couldn't read.

“No, neither of them worked,” Jess replied firmly. Matt made a noise and a face she didn't understand. Maybe he was hurt that Emily hadn't used his name as her code. Maybe he was also relieved she hadn't used Mike's as her code. Maybe he felt both. Maybe he felt neither. She wasn't sure she could figure that out and he didn't seem like he was going to tell her.

“What are the chances it's just something random?” Matt asked instead, “Like 'C Q X L' or something.”

Jess shook her head, “Emily wasn't that random. She'd pick something that mattered to her at least. She'd just make it something people wouldn't think of right away.”

'Well what kind of stuff did Emily like that only had four letters?” Matt continued to ask as they got closer to her house.

“I don't know,” Jess said annoyed, “That's a really specific thing to ask.”

“Well we either try a lot of different four letter words that might be stuff Emily liked,” Matt rationed “Or we start with 'A A A A' and go down the list until we hit the right word.”

Jessica sighed. He was right. Neither way sounded efficient though.

“Or I guess we could break the lock,” Matt finished when she hadn't said to him anything for awhile. “My dad has some tools. I could probably do it.”

That sounded like the smartest option to be honest. But something about it bothered Jess. She thought about Emily's cat alone and unloved. About Emily's room, empty and collecting dust. About Emily who was gone forever.

The thought of destroying the last bit of her left in the world. The book where she kept all her thoughts and feelings. The idea physically hurt Jess. But it was the best option so she nodded in agreement when Matt dropped her off at home.

“I'll call you tomorrow about the tools,” he said as she got out. He watched her until she got to the front door of her house. It was still tough to walk but it got easier for her every day. She kept Emily's book to her chest the whole time.

After dinner she lay in her bed with the book fiddling with the letter lock. She tried a few different ones while she laid there. She tried 'Bach' and she tried 'Sacs.' She tried a few other things too. She isn't sure where the idea came from, but she tried all the names of the Washingtons. 'Hann' and 'Hana' for Hannah as well as 'Beth' and 'Josh.' She had almost given up but she was listening closely to the lock and there were distinctive clicks when she put in those last two names. As if some of the letters in each of them were right. It was a chance but she took it. She clicked the lock until the letters spelled out 'Jess.' 

With very little pressure the lock popped open.

She could have called Matt right then and told him she'd figured it out. She could had opened the journal. She could have searched for the secret they were looking for. She could have been productive.

Instead with all her strength (which wasn't much) Jess hurled the book across her room. Because how dare Emily use her name as her code. How dare Emily still think about her while they were fighting. How dare Emily still care about her after what she had done. How dare Emily break her heart again after she was already dead.

All Jess could do was cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh poor baby girl, Jess. Emily loved you so much. You don't even know...


	11. Make Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can pretend all you want but that doesn't make it real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a headache and half. But hopefully it came out alright. 
> 
> Edit: This was also labeled with noncon but after reflection I removed that tag. I'm still not sure the sex in this counts as dubcon though so I left that tag.
> 
> Chris and Ashley finally start to fall off of cloud nine.

Dinner with her father and Chris. 

Dinner with her father and Chris' family.

Dinner with her, Chris, her father and Chris' family.

There was no way Ashley could say it in her brain that made it sound like something she wanted to do. 

“Why would your friends' mother invite us to dinner?” her father asked her when she brought it up.

“I don't know,” she shrugged. She did know. But telling him would require her to tell her father that Chris and her were together. “Maybe they just feel weird about everything that's happened and want to make sure everything is alright with me and you? You know seeing how Chris and I are so close.”

He grunted in acceptance and said he would think about it. She had promised herself that she would tell him before they actually went to Chris' place for dinner. So of course she hadn't.

They walked up to driveway to the door together. Her father had dressed nicely. He always did that for other people. He made her dress nicely too. She'd be more upset but it was probably a good idea as she was seeing Chris' parents for the first time as his girlfriend.

She felt the ring on her hand. As his fiance. She wore the ring all the time. She had gotten used to the feeling of the gems against her palm. She turned it around at school and at work. Her boss, Monica, had said she liked it before congratulating her and asking which of the punks who always hung around the shop to talk to her had asked. She was happy to hear it was the tall blonde one. Said she never really trusted the boy with weird eyes. She apologized when she remembered that Ashley's friend had recently passed.

Her professors payed it no mind. She got a few scattered congratulations around the campus when she spoke to people, but nobody pressed her on it. It was pretty clear to everyone that the guy she spent all her lunch hours with was the one who had given it to her. There was no need to ask her who she would be marrying. She was only ever in the company of Chris.

Ashley almost felt her heart triple its pace as her father rang the doorbell of Chris' front door. She knew she should have told him before tonight. There was no way he was going to be in the dark after all this. He was going to be so mad to learn about her relationship this way. But she had been too scared to do it all alone. She didn't want to face him by herself. Somewhere in her mind this seemed like the better of the two options. The safer of the two.

“Hey,” the familiar voice and face of Chris appeared in the doorway. Ashley wanted to throw her arms around his neck and cover his face with kisses. She couldn't even give him a small peck on the cheek. Not with her father there.

“Hello, Chris,” her father greeted as warmly as her father did anything. Her father liked Chris. Said he was a good boy with a good head on his shoulders. Well, he had liked Chris. Until the day he overheard Sam joke that if Chris didn't make his move soon Ashley should answer the door completely naked the next time he came over to study and hope that made the message more clear. Richard Brown had been less than thrilled with Chris after that. And Ashley had received quite the talking to.

“Hey, Chris,” Ashley said as he opened the door wide to let them both in. Her father walked in first and she followed him. She paused by the door as Chris closed it. He smiled at her. She smiled wide, feeling a little giddy. She always felt better with Chris around.

“Richard, Ashley it's so nice to see you both,” Ashley heard Chris' mother greet as she came forward to shake her father's hand. Her father put on that smile he saved for polite company that Ashley was sure she had never seen in their own home.

“Nice to see you too, Claire. You're looking well,” her father responded, “Thank you for inviting us into your home.”

“Well it was only appropriate given the circumstances...” she said a little awkwardly.

“It was still very kind of you, Mrs. Sullivan!” Ashley almost shouted before she could say anything else and her father shot her a look. She didn't care if he thought she was being rude. It was better than him finding out about her and Chris from his mother.

“Christopher,” Mrs. Sullivan said, “Why don't you go finish setting the table?”

“Sure, yeah,” he answered and then turned to her with a smile, “You wanna help me out?”

“Honey don't ask guests to help you,” his mother almost snapped, “It's rude.”

“I don't mind,” Ashley answered, happy to stay glued to Chris' side the whole night if she could. He led her into the kitchen as their parents went to sit in the living room together. Their parents weren't friends or anything like that so Ashley figured that she had a few minutes of polite catch-up before she'd have to worry about them getting into the nitty-gritty of why they had been invited. She hung close to Chris' back as he took her into the kitchen.

“Cups are up there if you wanna grab them?” he said pointing to the cabinet. It wasn't necessary as she had been there enough times to know that. He was nervous though so he'd probably just forgotten that. He had a stack of plates on the counter that he had already taken out and he picked it up to carry it to the table. Ashley focused on getting down the cups and took a few deep breaths as she did so. Her and Chris and their parents and his brother was six cups. Unless his step-brother was here then it was seven. She hoped that wasn't the case. Brian would only make things that much worse for them.

She had gotten most of them down, she had to stretch to reach them, when she felt a presence behind her back. She tried to ignore the terrified chill it sent up her back. 'It's Chris,' she told herself. 'It has to be him. There is nothing here that can hurt me.'

She heard his voice whisper as he placed a hand on her shoulder and spun her around, “It'll be okay.”

She sighed. He must have seen how tense she was. She nodded with a small smile. Chris ran his thumb along her cheek and she leaned into it. He leaned down and she was both afraid and thrilled that he had her pinned to the counter with their parents in the next room as his lips pressed against hers in a firm, but gentle kiss. Her hands of their own volition slid onto his chest. It was over far too quickly and when he pulled back he was smiling wide.

“Hi there,” he breathed. She could melt in his hands from the way he said it.

“Hi,” she responded as she leaned up to kiss him again. Their mouths were only connected for maybe a second when she heard...

“What are you doing?”

Chris sprang back from her and turned to the door looking embarrassed and annoyed. Ashley looked to the doorway as well and saw Chris' little brother standing there. She felt her face heat up with a blush. Chris grabbed a few cups from behind her and headed for the table with them in hand.

“We're setting the table,” he said dismissively. His brother, Nick, looked at her right after he said it and she looked away picking up the remainder of the cups and following Chris.

“Yeah right,” Nick scoffed, “I saw you kissing Ashley.”

“Nick!” Chris barked, “Be quiet!”

“Why? Is it a secret?” he continued to drill his brother, “Are you not supposed to be doing it?”

“What are you even in here?” Chris asked back instead of answering him.

“I'm allowed in the kitchen,” Nick informed him, “I live here.”

Before Chris could say anything else on the matter, his step-father entered the room behind Nick and made his way over to the oven. He gave a smile and wave to Ashley.

“Well hello there Ashley,” he said as he pulled on a pair of oven mitts, “We haven't seen you around in quite awhile. Been busy?”

“Something like that,” she responded as she and Chris finished setting the table together. Six seats.

“It's nice to see you then,” he responded, “You and your father.”

Ashley did not respond and simply raised and lowered her eyebrows as if that was an answer. She and Chris shared a look as he took what looked to be some king of pasta dish out and set it on the stove oblivious to the two teens in the room worrying that Nick would blurt out that they had been kissing in the kitchen. With the mitts still on his hands Daniel Sullivan, Chris’ step-father, pat his son on the head.

“Nick, dinner needs time to sit and cool some, go finish your homework in the meantime,” he said leading the boy out of the room. 

“My homework IS done,” he asserted. Ashley couldn’t help but laugh a bit. She imagined Chris was as much of a smart-ass Nick was at that age. In a stray thought that terrified her after she wondered if their children would be too.

“Well then just go upstairs and wait a bit,” the older man said with a laugh and smile. Ashley had never understood why Chris wasn’t closer to his step-father. The man was so kind.

“Why does Chris get to stay?” the boy continued to protest even as he was pushed from the room.

“Chris has a guest.”

“Ashley isn’t a guest. She’s here all the time.”

Dan looked back and rolled his eyes at the two of them perhaps so Ashley knew not to take the sentiment to heart. 

“You should head out to the living room while I take this brat upstairs.” It was the last thing Ashley wanted to hear or do. Chris grabbed her hand though and led her in that direction. She quickly pulled it away as they neared the couch where their parents sat. Chris frowned but didn’t do anything. It wasn’t his fault. She’d told him she was going to tell her dad about them.

“I can’t imagine what it must be like to have your oldest daughter no longer at home. I might die of sadness when Chris finally leaves.” 

Ouch. She didn’t know but that was only a few months away. Chris made their entrance very apparent after that plopping hard down on the love seat. Ashley debated going to the couch with her dad and his mom for a moment. She felt safer with Chris though. Besides a love seat was a good excuse to be as close to her fiance as possible.

“Ah look the kids are back,” Ashley flinched at the way she said ‘kids’. Chris’ mom was very nice but she could cut with her words.

“Thank you for helping set the table, Ashley.” That came with a glare at Chris that said she still wasn’t happy he had asked her. She heard footsteps behind them (probably Dan) and Ashley’s hand flew to grip Chris’ shirt where their parents couldn’t see. He swallowed hard glancing at her. 

“Well now that we are all here,” Claire continued on, “I think we should talk about the situation.”

Ashley guessed that he thought she meant the event at Blackwood or even her lock-down based on how defensive he got saying, “I don’t think there is much to talk about here.”

Chris looked surprised until a moment later it dawned on him her father didn’t know. She tried to look sorry best she could. Dan had made it over to them and sat in the easy chair. 

“I hardly think that’s the case here, Richard,” she continued and added as if Chris and Ashley weren’t right there, “I just feel that maybe Christopher and Ashley should be being more cautious about this then they are. As their parents I think we have both a duty and a right to help guide them now that they are together.”

Her father was not that bright so she was not shocked when he glanced their way before saying (in a voice that conveyed he wasn’t exactly happy about it), “They’re together all the time. What’s different about right now?”

“I meant now that they are involved with one another…” Claire stressed as if a little frustrated with Ashley's father. That wasn’t so bad that could mean anything, “Romantically.”

Okay that couldn't. 

With the cat out of the bag Ashley dared to grab Chris’ hand in her own and they each squeezed with enough strength they might bruise their hands. Ashley’s father looked their way with a cold look she had never seen on his face before. His eyes dropped to their clasped hands before he turned back to Claire and Dan Sullivan asking with a voice scarily quiet, “Are they now?”

“Well I assumed you knew,” Chris’ mom faltered.

“I did not.”

“Well I mean it’s not like it’s a shock,” a voice on the other side of the room said, “We all knew it was going to happen sooner or later.” 

Okay now Ashley understood why Chris and Dan were not close. The glare that her father turned on Dan was hard as brick. Without saying another word her father stood and headed for the door. She sat where she was unwilling to leave Chris’ side.

“Ashley,” he called and like a shot she stood and went to his side, Chris was on his feet a second after but stopped halfway to the door when Ashley’s father turned his death glare on him. Chris for his part stared him down unflinchingly. The fact that he could do that when she couldn’t if anything made her more attracted to him.

“I’m sorry for leaving like this but my daughter and I have some private things to discuss.”

“Richard, I don’t think that’s necessary-”

“How ‘bout you raise your sneaky little pervert your way and I will raise MY daughter my way, huh?!” he snapped back and Ashley was honestly surprised he kept his anger under control as long as he did.

“Excuse you,” the woman has jumped to her feet when her father insulted her son, “Well if you are going to speak that way about my boy, who by the way has never been anything less a gentleman the entire time he has known your daughter, then you are no longer welcome in my home!”

“I didn’t plan of either of us coming back here anyway,” he yelled before yanking both their coats off their hooks and storming out the front door. Ashley stood in shock for a moment until she heard her father call her name. 

“Thank you for having us,” she said quickly, Chris moved to follow her but his mother pulled him back and walked forward herself. 

“This doesn’t mean you aren’t welcome here,” she said gently, “Our home is open to you anytime.”

The way she stressed the last word Ashley felt like she was giving the girl her permission to stay here right then. She didn’t have a chance to answer before her father yelled her name once more. She tried to smile at them and rushed out the door hearing heavy footsteps she knew were Chris following her but she didn’t check. Sure enough though as her father sped away from the Hartley’s Chris was standing at the door.

\---

Chris picking her up and taking her out for the night after their families were asleep became a regular occurrence for them. They laid out in his truck bed and they talked and they cuddled and they kissed. Sometimes they fell asleep. Then they woke up to the rising sun with kinks in their necks and backs. Ashley looked forward to the time when she would wake-up next to Chris in a comfy bed they shared.

So she wasn’t shocked he turned up there after all the yelling. It was well after midnight but she could not sleep. The combination of every thing. The yelling and threats from her father. The fact that he had said with full seriousness that if Chris came there ever again then he would shoot him dead. He called her names. Nasty ones. Ones she didn’t want to repeat. She had gone into her room to cry and throw a few things until she felt better. She knocked her calendar from the wall. It was only then she noticed the date circled on it. It was the next day, (or technically at that hour it was that day). It was the only reason she went with Chris (“But only for a ride. I need to come back home after.”) She couldn’t believe even with everything going on that she had forgotten. From the look on Chris’ face when she brought it up so had he.

\---

'This is wrong,' was Chris' prevailing thought. 

It wasn't how it was supposed to happen. It was supposed to happen because they were ready for it and because they loved each other. It was supposed to be somewhere that was nice. Somewhere romantic. It was supposed to happen after a fun day out or after they celebrated their anniversary. It was supposed to happen under the best of circumstances. Because Ashley deserved the best.

Not like this. This was needy and desperate. And scared because of what had happened earlier that night or the previous day. Because it was the next day and in all the drama and nerves he had forgotten this until she reminded him. How could he forget?

“You look so sad,” she’d said between kisses as if he’d had the worst night out of the two. He wanted to say, 'Of course I'm sad. My best friend for the last eleven years is gone.’ He just kept kissing her instead. He held her close to him and tried his best to memorize what she tasted like. He did that every time they kissed. He never wanted to lose it or to forget it.

He was supposed to be 21 today. Chris and Josh had been planning this day since they were 16.

“I don't want you to be sad,” she’d breathed pulling back again, “I wish I could fix it.”

She couldn't, but he was perfectly fine with letting her try. So he went back to kissing her. He didn't say anything as he struggled to undo the buttons on the front of the soft flannel shirt she had for sleep before he picked her up. She got the hint and joined in to help him. This was a lot further than they had ever dared to go before this. They didn't get all the way undressed. They kept on most of their clothes in fact. She stripped off her sweats and panties but had on knee her high gray socks She also pushed her t-shirt above her bra-less chest for him to have excess to her breasts which he took full advantage of.

He also tried hard not to think about how, by doing this, he was proving her father right about him. Chris was making true the suspicions he already had about him. He was being exactly the kind of selfish, horny guy his mother insisted he wasn’t not a day ago.

She let him lay her down on his old truck bed and climb on top of her and press their bodies together. She let him kiss her neck and hook her legs onto his hips. She let him push into her. She let him fill her. She let him have her. She should have stopped him.

It was impossible for him to think about Josh or any of the others while inside of her. Not with Ashley laying beneath him moving that way and making those noises. He could focus on this, on her, forever. He wanted it to last that long. He never wanted to be out of this moment again. Her skin had turned with a blush and her chest moved as she breathed heavier every time he thrust into her. Her voice was high-pitched and maybe a little off-key. She was hot and her body responded wherever he touched her. She moved her mouth to nip his palm when he ran his hand down her face. She squeezed around him in a way his hand could never replicate. Her feet ran up and down his ankles. Her hands raked through the hair all along his body. She forced his name out between whines and pants. She was so alive.

“We're alive,” he said feeling tears in his eyes and not really knowing what they were from. Josh? The scene at his place? His own guilt?, “The both of us. We're still alive.”

Ashley simply kissed him on his chin and breathed, “Yeah, we are.”

Chris kept repeating it like a mantra. He focused on how her very alive body reacted to his. He tried to focus on that and not how wrong this was. He tried not to think about how he should be remembering Josh right then and their long friendship, not screwing Ashley on the guy’s birthday. But he needed to know that she had made it out and that she was his and nothing, not her father and not death, could take her from him and he didn't know how else to convince himself.

He had managed to keep her alive. He had gotten her out of that hellhole. In return she was his now. Nothing about that felt right. She hadn't wanted this. He could see it on her face. 

The dejected way she had given in to his advances. Though it sounded like she was enjoying herself at the moment, she had only conceded when she realized nothing else was going to make him feel better. He didn't want her company or her words of sympathy. He didn't want to sit and reminisce about their friend or rehash how awful the night had gone. He didn't want to concentrate on how someone he had come to love could be gone forever.

He just wanted her body. It had to be hers, but that was all he wanted. He wanted to lose himself in the sensation of Ashley. He wanted to feel every part of her that he could as if to tell himself he couldn't lose her. She was here and she wasn't going anywhere. She was his and he would always have her and that did things to him that weren't okay.

“Chris,” she gasped out when he came inside of her because eventually he had to. He had never done anything like this before and even if he had he couldn't go on indefinitely. This had to reach its end at some point. He continued to move into her until he was sure he was completely done. He wanted the moment to last him as long as was possible.

When he had finished he looked down at Ashley, open and exposed and looking so concerned for him. Her eyes were pleading him, 'Did I do good?' 'Is it better?' 'Did I fix you?' There was no afterglow of pleasure or satisfaction in her features. He was positive she hadn't had an orgasm herself. He didn't need to ask because he could see it on her face. She had done this for him and for him only. She looked almost ashamed that she had too.

Chris climbed off of her as best he could on shaking legs to fix his sweats. He didn't look at her as she leaned up and still so undressed looked at him and waited for him to say something. Anything. To let her know he was happy now. That everything was better.

But he couldn't lie to her because once he was spent he immediately started thinking about Josh again. 'I did it, Josh. I fucked Ashley. You can go to Hell in peace, now.'

“I should get you home,” he finally said bending over to kiss her gently on her cheek because she was still Ashley and he still loved her, “It’s gonna be light out soon.”

Ashley shook her head as she slipped her shirt back down. The night air had stiffened her nipples better than anything he had done. How could he be blushing from that after they’d had sex not a minute ago? He looked away so she wouldn’t see it, but Ashley pulled hi lay by her and snuggled up to his chest.

“I want to hold you,” she said sounding tired but also teasing, “You can do that for me.”

The ‘especially after I just reluctantly gave you my virginity’ went unsaid. He wrapped her in his arms and as his eyes drifted closed hoped that the imperfect state of their relationship consummation wasn’t too bad of a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably getting a bit of everyone next time so get excited for that.

**Author's Note:**

> Every character's POV will be represented by in no particular order. Just what makes sense for the chapter with the exclusive of these first two which will be the girls and them the guys.
> 
> Feedback always welcome.


End file.
